The Biggest Single Girl Struggles of Studying Abroad

Studying abroad is a once in a lifetime experience. You can explore new places, adopt new cultures, and still squeeze money out of your parents before they kick you to the curb after gradation. It’s probably the worst time to be in a relationship, and the best time to embrace your single-and-read-to-mingle attitude, right? Not necessarily. While I certainly didn’t need a boyfriend while I was sunbathing on the beaches of Barcelona or chugging pints of Cider in London, being single ain’t always easy either.

You Realize American Guys Really Do Suck

From the Vineyard Vines to the “you up?” text messages, America really dropped the ball on romance. Paris might be known as the city of love, but I’m pretty sure any European guy is more romantic than an American dude. It’s almost a culture shock to go on dates with dudes who think it’s too forward to lean in for a kiss and who don’t think Netflix and chill is a proper dating experience. This experience is a blessing and curse. Sure, it seems great at first. I mean, you get to go on dates with gentlemen who treat you right and have cute accents. But, you have to go home eventually, and when you do I can guarantee there will be plenty of dad-bod dudes in cargo shorts trying to take you on a date to McDonalds.

You Can’t Always Interpret Flirtatious Text Messages

British dudes like to end flirty text messages with “x.” Initially, it reminded me of those tacky “signatures” people used to add to their text messages when we all had flip phones. After three months in London, I still can’t honestly say that I understand what exactly “x” means. And British people are speaking the same language…trying to sext with someone who speaks English as a second language sounds worse than that time you lost your virginity in the back of your mom’s suburban.

The Only Person Who Misses You Are Your Parents

While my roommate wrote cute little postcards (complete with lipstick kisses) to her boo in NYC, I wrote some sexy little postcards… to my grandmother. Sh*t, my family didn’t even love me enough to visit me while I was here! Instead of counting down the days until I can run into my American boyfriend’s arms, I’ve been counting down the days until dollar bills will be paper again and I can go make it rain at the strip club without injuring the dancers.

You’re Desperately Searching For a Green Card

I will never make a joke to my foreign friends about green cards ever again. I’m pretty sure they call them visas here, but either way I need one. If I’m really going to try to come back to London permanently, I’m clearly going to need a British bae to wife me up and give me citizen ship. Hell, anywhere in the European Union would actually be fine. Who’s looking to marry an American chick? I promise not to wear any american flag embellished apparel and I’ll make lots of hamburgers for you!

You Have No Valid Reason To Avoid Creeps

While European men do seem to be better than American dudes, they’re also way more forward. It can get a little awkward when a creepy French dude is asking you when the wedding is going to be and if he can eat your pussy in the middle of the club. But, sh*t, shouldn’t you be happy you’re finally getting some attention? No, no, no…instead you’ll be fabricating a fantastic story about your (American) football playing boyfriend who’s waiting of you back home.

Your Friends Expect Crazy, Romantic Stories

The first thing your friends ask you about when you return is how many European boyfriends you have now. Your answer? Zero. The sad truth is that instead of riding mopeds with cute Italian pop-stars (I see you, Lizzie McGuire) or being fed french bread by a dude named Pierre, you spent most of your time waiting in museum lines or stuffing your face with free samples at the Amsterdam cheese museum.

The One Guy You Do Hook Up With Ends Up Being American 

Of course, you think all hope isn’t lost as you spot a cutie checking you out across the bar. When he comes over and opens his mouth, you realize he’s from Minnesota. God damn it, did you really come all the way to Europe to hook-up with an American dude? Yep, yep you did.

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