The Benefits Of Cheap Hosiery & Lingerie
Anyone who knows me personally or has spent even half a minute on my Instagram knows I’m a self-proclaimed lingerie obsessive. What started innocently enough during adolescence (with mommy leaving La Perla panties for me beneath the Christmas tree) soon turned into full-blown infatuation, my closet now housing more lace and mesh than actual clothing. In fact, I still own my very first bra—a vintage Yves Saint Laurent triangle-style in sheer cream with a light allover print of blue YSL hearts, given to me by my stylist godmother at 11. It’s been thirteen years, but you never forget your first.
Obviously my initial introduction into the realm of lingerie was a spoiled one, and my penchant for expensive designer brands has certainly carried into adulthood. That said, in the last few years I’ve really expanded my hosiery horizons—I used to scoff at anything beneath Agent Provocateur level, but now I pretty much embrace it all with open arms…and legs. And I’m not even talking about the big brands like Victoria’s Secret who’ve majorly updated their merchandise and quality recently—I’m talking straight Leg Avenue shit from the local “intimate” shop.
I actually discovered this love of trashy adornments when I first started dating my boyfriend; though he seemed to appreciate my elaborate AP garter belts and complicated strappy pieces, they were always just look-but-don’t touch items. I’d spend $750 and 15 minutes putting on an outfit that I could seduce in, but that we couldn’t really have a good time in. Maybe some heavy petting—anything past that and we’d be at certain risk of tearing or staining some very expensive fabric. Basically, doing in the nice stuff is too stressful.
So about three years ago my girl and I were shopping some tacky sale at Wet Seal when we came across a full clearance section of stripper-style wear—fishnet bodysuits, lace body stockings with the crotch cut-out, etc. Jokingly, I took home this ridiculous pink-neon full-fishnet body stocking, with the crotch and sides of the booty cut out. As laughable as it sounds, turns out that’s the thing that really gets dudes going. Or mine at least. Not only did he love how it looked on me, but you get to play stripper and fuck like wild animals in it without giving a shit about damage. As a matter of fact, I buy them in bulk now just to destroy them. Nothing more thrilling than being turned into a human doing it yo-yo!
Aside from them being as disposable as you’d like, the range to choose from when talking “intimate” shop lingerie is almost limitless too. Every color, every shape, every style, every fabric—I’ve got everything from rainbow-striped Coogi fishnet suits that lace-up in the front, to floral-lace halter-top stockings, to Lolita-white teddies with heart-shaped ass cutouts. And there are few four words more reassuring to a woman than One Size Fits All. Plus, it’s insanely affordable. I’ve grown to love this stuff so much, I even layer it under my regular clothes. Throw a $25 sheer lace turtleneck bodysuit underneath a pleated skirt and you’ve got yourself one very-versatile-yet-boner-inducing outfit.
Not “the kind of girl” who would go into a sex shop? Fret not, my actual favorite place to stock up on new goodies is Yandy.com—it’s like Office Depot for dancers, ravers, and porn stars. But on the real though, don’t be a prude—sex shops are some of the most underratedly awesome places to go for a quick pick-me-up purchase. And surely you could find an upscale spot, but if you ask me these things are kind of like Spanish restaurants—the sleazier looking on the outside, the better it’s gonna be on the inside. If you live in NY, I highly suggest Tic Tac Toe—they charge more than most cheap-o spots, but the selection is incredible and they have an awesome assortment of dancewear upstairs. Of course I still collect my chic, imported, overpriced stuff, but now I generally save that for special occasions or to simply please myself. Because as much as lingerie is a nice way to excite a man, it’s ultimately something I buy for . Getting to see the look on their faces when you fill it out right is definitely a bonus though.
Of course I still do collect my chic, imported, overpriced stuff, but now I generally save that for special occasions or to simply please myself. Because as much as lingerie is a nice way to excite a man, it’s ultimately something I buy for me. Getting to see the look on their faces when you fill it out right is definitely a bonus though. Schwing!