The 8 Things That Happen After You Post a Sexy Selfie

It’s Friday night, and you’re on your fucking game. Your make-up is on fleek, you just had your eyebrows done, and your ass is in your new leather shorts is rivaling Kim K‘s derrier. Since you don’t necessarily have a man to appreciate your look tonight (at least, not until you get to the club), you figure you might as well post a selfie while your friend is finishing up her hair.

It’s just a selfie, and it’s just Instagram…but you’re quickly surprised at how many effects one sexy selfie can have on your night.

1. All The Dudes Who Ghosted You Suddenly Resurface

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. They always come crawling back, don’t they? They especially come crawling back after they see you looking sexy (and happy) without them. Naturally, they act like it hasn’t been seven months since they last hit you up and casually start the conversation with “what’s good?” Want to know what’s really good, dude? This pussy that you’re never going to get!

2. Your Ex Wants To Know “How You’ve Been”

Boys might be clueless about a majority of things when it comes to dating, but they do possess some sort of sixth sense. As soon as you stop thinking about them, they decides to hit you up. This process can be sped up by posting a hot selfie, getting a new boy toy, and/or him hitting a sudden dry spell.

3. You Have Three New Instagram DMs

One of these DMs is a dick pic (and not an attractive one at that), the other is some sort of poem and/or rap, and the last is some socially awkward dude asking “what’s good?” as if you’ve been friends for years. You’re trying to decide if this is worse or better than the cat-calls you deal with on a daily basis, at least you can ignore these from the comfort of your home?

4. At Least One Guy Comments “Sit On My Face”

Ah, guys on Instagram have such a way with words, don’t they? If he doesn’t comment “sit on my face” he at least asks you “when he can take you out on a date.” As rare as dates are these days, I think we can all agree that most girls still don’t want to be asked out via an Instagram comment.

5. You Get Some Weird Ass New Followers

Okay, so you’re not sure what @HotGirlsInTights wants with following you…but followers are followers, right? Or maybe it’s time to put your account on private?

6. Your Best Friend Wants To Know Where You Got That Crop Top 

Or she at least wants to borrow it. You’ll have to let her know that your amazing tits don’t actually come with the top and that she might not want to borrow it after all.

7. Your Snapchat Starts Blowing Up

Because naturally guys can’t communicate like civil human beings, so they take to snapchat instead. Suddenly every dude on your friends list is wondering what you’re doing tonight, and they make sure to let you know that they are getting drunk by the strategically placed Bud Light in the corner of their selfie.

8. You Wonder Why You Don’t Always Get This Much Attention

When your selfie really starts blowing up, you can get a little confused. Like, why are all these strangers on my dick when in reality I can’t even find a dude to be a plus one to my cousin’s wedding? Unfortunately, we all have to sit back and realize that the internet is (sadly) not real life, and your hottest selfie is gone and forgotten faster than you can start a new trending hashtag.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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