The 2015 Phone Sex Guide For Newbies & Oldies Alike

Phone sex seems to be a thing of the past these days. With snapchat, text messaging, and girls that are already putting up naked pics on Instagram, phone sex seems unnecessary and old school, right? However, if you’re in a long distance relationship, you probably know that this is not the case. You can only really send so many different angles of you naked on Snapchat before it starts to get old, and your man’s five sentence repertoire of ” sexting ” isn’t exactly exciting you anymore.

So, what to do?

Welcome to the world of phone sex. Or, should I say the world of Skype-snapchat-facetime-sex? If you’ve never done it before, it can seem awkward or unnatural. I get it, it’s weird telling your iPhone how wet you are, or nerve-wracking sending naked videos of yourself and your vibrator into the ever magical “cloud.”

While you should certainly be careful when it comes to sexting (although, c’mon, I’m sure you’re doing it anyways), you should also trust your partner. Being in a long distance relationship can be tough, but with all the new technologies available to us, it should be easier. Before you start dialing up phone sex hotlines in search of some inspiration, read this phone sex guide for newbies:

Pick Your Poison 

If you’re into hearing your man’s voice and showing off your SAT vocab, maybe some old school phone sex is for you. If you’re a visual learner? You definitely want to venture onward to some video chatting. If you’ve got time and space, using Skype or Ichat is super easy and will allow you to have both hands to yourself while broadcasting on a big screen. If you’re on the go, FaceTime is a good option because it’s simple, although you may want to find a place to mount it if you plan on using your hands.

Take Your Time

I know we’re all busy, and everyone loves a good quickie (occasionally), but you and your partner should take your time and enjoy yourselves when engaging in phone sex. Pick a time when you’ll both have plenty of time to get each other excited (and get each other off). Start off fully dressed (or in some sexy lingerie) and give your boo a strip tease on camera. Even though I’m sure he’s seen you naked before, he probably already misses you, and the anticipation will make him crazy. Tease your lover (and yourself) just like you would in person. Just because you’re seducing a computer screen doesn’t mean that it’s a one and done kind of deal.

Invest In a Toy

If you don’t have a toy already (god only knows how you’re surviving), I recommend you get one. Sure, it’s sexy to rub yourself down and use your own fingers to tease yourself, but in reality it gets uncomfortable trying to reach around so much, and your fingers are never going to feel the same as a dick (but a dildo can come close). If you’re worried your dude will be weirded out, just ask him. I’m sure if you suggest the idea of you playing with a toy and pretending it was him, he’ll even offer to pay for the damn thing.

Channel Your Inner Porn Star

Be yourself, but a sexier, confident, more attention-whore version of yourself. If you’re the type of person who let’s the man take the lead during sex, this might be hard for you. The sexier you feel, the more fun you and your boo are going to have. Imagine that you’re your favorite porn star (or at least favorite bombshell), and get freaky with it. Don’t ever feel naughty for asking for certain things or saying out loud how horny you’ve been. And certainly don’t shy away from posing for the camera…

Lights, Camera, Action 

Nothing can kill a steamy Skype session like having to run and grab your dildo from your top drawer in the middle of it, or having to adjust your laptop screen every two seconds. Find a place that gives you a good angle for all the things you plan on doing (and make sure that you lock the door). If you plan on doing this often, you might want to even invest in a real camera (as in, not the one that comes with your computer). With a higher quality camera, your videos will be less blurry and you’ll get to position the camera wherever you want in relation to your laptop.

Practice Makes Perfect

So maybe the first time you try to have phone sex is a complete fail. Maybe your dude jizzed directly into his monitor and broke his computer. Shit happens. Don’t let a bad first experience deter you from future endeavors. Technology is weird, playing with yourself in front of a MacBook Pro is not exactly the same as making love in a candlelit bedroom, but you’re the one who signed on to a long distance relationship and it probably isn’t getting any easier.

 

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