Taylor Swift Is One New Friend Away From Starting A Squad Apocalypse
Over the weekend, Saturday Night Live came back for a 41st season and unsurprisingly, it was incredibly disappointing. Why a group of writers who get paid thousands of dollars a year can’t pull it together to at least start off the season with a bang is beyond me, but hey, what do I know about endlessly producing content that the general public will forget about tomorrow anyway?
However, there is one sketch the writers manage to pull off: “The Squad”.
If you’ve ever thought to yourself that society’s squad obsession, and/or Taylor Swift in general has the capacity to bring on the apocalypse, “The Squad” is basically your spirit sketch. “The Squad” explores the possibility that by the end of her tour, Taylor Swift made her Squad sound so appealing that literally every single person alive decided to join it – except two people: Aidy Bryant and Vanessa Bayer, who happened to be in a coma when the Squad-pocalypse broke, a la Walking Dead.
“First it was the models, then the athletes, then it was everybody. Police, fire department, Matt LeBlanc,” and the rest was history. Now Taylor Swift and her squad rule everything, and instead of being benevolent leaders, they leave the world to rot while they sun themselves on American Flag beach towels and parade around onstage in sexy/empowering outfits.
While this premise may seem humorous, it is a significantly more plausible source of apocalypse for our world than Ebola and zombies combined. As we’ve learned from this summer, from Mick Jagger to Fetty Wap, literally everybody seems down to jump on the Taylor Swift train. Hell, even Nelly elected to jump on tour with Taylor, letting her and her friends bastardize his raunchy classic “Hot In Herre”. Has it really come to all that, Nelly? Are you really so desperate for fame and glory and the purchasing power of the tween-teen continuum that you’d suckle at the teat of Mama Taylor? Honestly, Taylor Swift could be one new friend away from starting the beginning of the squad-pocalypse. We’re laughing now, but tomorrow, tomorrow we’ll probably be crying. The time to take action is now. Overthrow the evil dictator before it’s too late.
This message was paid for by Team Katy Perry.