Dumped? It’s Not You, It’s May
Everyone knows what cuffing season is, but have you heard of the springtime splits? Or, the springtime scaries?
Probably not, because we just invented the terms. But you’ve probably experienced this phenomenon.
It’s when, as soon as it gets nice out, you realize you’re sick of being cuffed and hanging at home with Netflix & bae every night and you’re ready to put on your jean shorts and thot around all summer.
Since the dawn of time – or like, whenever your peers started having “relationships” – you’ve probably noticed that everybody seems to break up in the spring, whether they cuffed up in the winter or not.
Is it the pollen in the air? Or just the sweet smell of hot people dressing skimpy and trying to fuck?
Honestly, it’s probably not the pollen, but it’s definitely a thing. Once spring time rolls around in the upper northern hemisphere, we’re all hit with this fever that makes us feel happy, peppy, down to actually leave the apartment, and also down to have a rando fling with a guy in a tank top.
But just like cuffing season, feeling the effects doesn’t mean you necessarily act on them.
The springtime splits are when you actually get dumped, or tell your boo that it’s just not working out. The springtime scaries are more of an emotional and internal conflict. After being a loyal bae all winter, you suddenly start noticing hot potential hookups all around and missing your single self. Maybe it’s just a phase and you’ll shake it off once you see your boo shirtless at the pool, or maybe you’ll head straight to splitsville.
And studies totally support this theory. In fact, Facebook data showed that most relationships end in the spring time, with the highest volume being right around now, in mid-May.
Obviously, this only counts couples who go Facebook official in the first place, which is less and less prevalent, but the pattern is the same.
Once the weather gets nice out, the boo gets thrown out.
I mean, not always, but often. And sometimes, it’s a long time coming. You know, like you knew your boo was shitty and it wasn’t going to work out, but you were lonely and it took you all winter long before you finally cut things off.
Whatever happens, don’t feel too bad about it. You’re definitely not alone, and there are going to be plenty of other newly single people for you to get drunk, go out, and hook up with! Yay thot season!