Get Wet From Words, Read Anais Nin’s NSFW Short Story ‘Lina’

Lina

Lina is a liar who cannot bear her real face in the mirror. She has a face that proclaims her sensuality, lightning in her eyes, an avid mouth, a provocative glance. But instead of yielding to her eroticism, she is ashamed of it. She throttles it. And all this desire, lust, gets twisted inside of her and churns a poison of envy and jealousy. Whenever sensuality shows its blossom, Lina hates it. She is jealous of everything, of everybody else’s loves. She is jealous when she sees couples kissing in the streets of Paris, in the cafés, in the park. She looks at them with a strange look of anger. She wishes nobody would make love because she can’t do it.

She bought herself a black lace nightgown like mine. She came to my apartment to spend a few nights with me. She said she bought the nightgown for a lover, but I saw the price tag still fastened on it. She was ravishing to look at because she was plump and her breasts showed where her white blouse opened. I saw her wild mouth parted, her curly hair in a wild aureola around her head. Every gesture was one of disorder and violence, as if a lioness had come into the room.

She began by asserting that she hated my lovers, Hans and Michel. ‘Why?’ I said. ‘Why?’ Her reasons were confused, inadequate. I was sad. That meant secret meetings with them. How could I amuse Lina while she stayed in Paris? What did she want?

‘Just to be with you.’

So we were reduced to each other’s company. We sat at cafés, we shopped, we strolled.

I liked to see her dress up for the evening in barbaric jewelery, her face so vivid. She was not for gentle Paris, for the cafés. She was meant for the African jungle, orgies, dances. But she was not a free being, rippling in natural undulations of pleasure and desire. If her mouth, body, voice, were made for sensuality, its true flow was paralyzed in her. Between her legs she was impaled on a rigid pole of puritanism. All the rest of her body was loose, provocative. She always looked as if she had just come from lying in bed with a lover, or as if she was just about to lie down with one. She had circles under her eyes and such a great restlessness, an energy smoking from her whole body, impatience, avidity.

She did everything to seduce me. She liked our kissing on the mouth. She held my mouth, and excited herself, and then drew away. We had breakfast together. She lay in bed and raised her leg so that from where I was sitting at the foot of the bed I could see her sex. While she dressed she dropped her chemise, pretending that she had nor heard me come in, and stood naked for a moment, then covered herself.

The nights when Hans came to see me there was always a scene. She had to sleep then in the room above mine. The next morning she would awaken sick with jealousy. She made me kiss her on the mouth again and again until we got excited, then she stopped. She liked those kisses without climax.

We went out together and I admired the woman who was singing in the little café. Lina got drunk and was furious with me. She said, ‘If I were a man, I would murder you.’

I became angry. Then she wept and said, ‘Don’t abandon me. If you abandon me I’m lost.’

At the same time she raved against lesbianism, saying it was revolting, and would not permit anything but the kissing. Her scenes were wearing me out.

When Hans saw her he said, ‘The trouble with Lina is that she is a man.’

I told myself that I would try to find out, break her resistance in some way or another. I was never very good at wooing people who resisted. I wanted them to want it, to be yielding. When Hans and I were in my bedroom at night, we were afraid to make a noise that she might hear. I did not want to hurt her, but I hated the scenes of frustration and her negative jealousy.

‘What do you want, Lina, what do you want?’

‘I want you not to have lovers. I hate it when I see you with men.’

‘Why do you hate men so?’

‘They have something I don’t have. I want to have a penis so that I can make love to you.’

‘There are other ways of making love between women.’

‘But I won’t have it, I won’t have it.’

Then one day I said, ‘Why don’t you come with me and visit Michel? I want you to see his explorer’s den.’

Michel had said to me, ‘Bring her, I will hypnotize her. You will see.’ She consented. We went up to his apartment. He had been burning incense, but an incense I did not know.

Lina was quite nervous when she saw his place. The erotic atmosphere disturbed her. She sat down on the fur-covered couch. She looked like a beautiful animal, one well worth capturing. I could see that Michel wanted to dominate her. The incense was making us slightly drowsy. Lina wanted to open the window. But Michel came over and sat between us and began talking to her.

His voice was gentle and enveloping. He was telling stories of his voyages. I saw that Lina was listening, that she had ceased twitching and smoking feverishly, that she was lying back and dreaming over his endless stories. Her eyes were half-closed. Then she fell asleep. ‘What did you do, Michel?’ I felt quite drowsy myself. He smiled, ‘I burned a Japanese incense that makes one sleepy. It’s an aphrodisiac. It is not harmful.’ He was smiling mischievously. I laughed.

Lina was not altogether asleep. She had crossed her knees. Michel climbed over her and tried to open them gently with his hands, but they remained rightly closed. Then he inserted his own knee between her thighs and parted them. I was aroused by the sight of Lina so yielding and open now. I began caressing her, undressing her. She knew what I was doing but she was enjoying it. She kept her mouth on mine and her eyes closed and let Michel and me undress her completely.

Her rich breasts covered Michel’s face. He bit the nipples. She let Michel kiss her between the legs and insert his penis, and she let me kiss her breasts and caress them. She had wonderful firm round buttocks. Michel kept pushing her legs apart and biting into her soft flesh until she began to moan. She would have nothing but the penis. So Michel took her and when she had enjoyed him he wanted to take me. She sat up, opened her eyes and watched us wonderingly for a moment, then took Michel’s penis out of me and would not let him insert it again. She threw herself on me with a sexual fury, caressing me with her mouth and her hands. Michel took her again from behind.

When we came out on the street, Lina and I, holding each other by the waist, she pretended not to remember anything that had happened. I let her. The next day she left Paris.

‘Lina’ is excerpted from Anais Nin’s ‘Little Birds’


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