Sorry Dude, I Don’t Like You: 5 Ways To Send This Message

Urgh. When a guy is super into you and you’re not into him at all: it’s the worst. Especially when you never said you were into him and he’s not getting the hint.

The Gym Pervert
Scene: You’re in the gym.
Predicament: You’re in your zone. Headphones in. On the treadmill. Then he appears. The creepy overly-roid-ridden gym pervert. He’s leaning on the water cooler. He’s staring at your ass. He’ll wait until the treadmill next to you is free to pounce, talking until you have to stop what you’re doing and listen. Yup, he’s asking if you’re single.
Solution: Don’t be rude – reply to the man. “Am I single? Who cares? I’m f***ing pissed off you’ve interrupted me.”
John Parra

The Bar Creep
Scene: Your friends at a bar.
Predicament: Before you’ve even batted an eyelash at the bartender, lo and behold a bar creep swoops in, “May I buy you a drink?” No. You may not. He stays anyway. You’re polite. That’s fine. Humour the man.
Solution: But Once your girlfriends arrive just walk off. Don’t say bye. Don’t look back. It works.

The Wedding Jerk
Scene: Your cousin’s wedding.
Predicament: You should be ready for the attack if you’re attending a wedding alone. Because he’s always there. That one groomsman who wants to bang anyone and anything because it seems the act of life-time commitment makes this guy horny. Or maybe it’s the fruitcake. He’ll prowl the dance floor looking for you.
Solution: Go make out with that better-looking waiter.

Drunk Guy
Scene: You’re at a party
Predicament: You have somehow “collected” a rather annoying appendage in the guise of a creepy dude. He’s really, really drunk. And a bit handsy. And he WON’T. GO. AWAY.
Solution: Declare loudly: “This party sucks. It’s for losers. I’m going home.” If this guy is that desperate, he’ll follow you out. As you walk along, ditch him somewhere and go back round the block and back into the party.

Friend Zone
Scene Er, the friend zone?
Predicament: You’ve been on a couple of dates with a guy. He’s really sweet but it’s just not happening. No spark. Problem is- he’s not getting it. You feel terrible but, THIS MADNESS HAS TO STOP. What if you end up feeling so bad you get married or something? Die.
Solution: You know what happens to sad injured little puppies? They get put out of their misery. Time for you to do the same. Be a major bitch. He’ll hate you forever. But f*** it.


Lexi Rose is a writer based in London, but actually has multiple professions including being an expert in how to maintain a relationships in different environments and getting rid of guys that are obsessed with you. Follow her @MissLexiRose and read her tumblr here.

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