Sorry, But The Disney Princes Were Actually Creeps

Let’s talk about dream guys. Maybe you’re dreaming of a Kurt Cobain-type rockstar that doesn’t end up killing himself in the end. Maybe you’re dreaming of a Christian Grey wannabe who looks perfect in a Brooks Brothers suit and loves a little bit of leather. Lots of you are probably dreaming of the whimsical “Prince Charming,” be it Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid or Aladdin. However, when’s the last time you saw those Disney movies? Because I have a feeling that if a guy really treated you like that, you wouldn’t be so keen. Personally, I think I would take Shrek over these pretty boys anyways.

Aladdin: The Gold Digger

We ladies tend to get a bad rep as gold diggers, but let’s not forget the OG gold digger, Aladdin. Not only did he “happen” to fall in love with the Princess of Agraba, he lied about being a prince so that he could win her over. So that not only makes him a gold digger, but also a liar. Sit your broke ass down Aladdin and take your dirty monkey with you!

Cinderella’s Prince Charming: The Stalker

If I drunkenly lost a shoe, I would certainly appreciate the dude who brought it back to me…but I would also appreciate it if he at least knew my name first. Did he have a foot fetish, or what? In his defense, maybe he only creepily tried a shoe on every single girl in the kingdom because he couldn’t just post a Facebook status about it?

Snow White & Sleeping Beauty’s Princes: The Rapist

I’m sorry, what kind of guy goes up to a chick sleeping in an open casket (and/or bed) and kisses her on the lips? Especially when he doesn’t even know her? Kind of reminds me of the random guys who offer to “walk me home” when I’m clearly blacked out at the bar?

Prince Eric: The Misogynist

As children, it was cute that Prince Eric fell in love with Ariel for her looks rather than her words. Now? We realize that Prince Eric was probably hyped as hell to find a hot chick who couldn’t ever nag him or yell at him because she didn’t have a damn voice… sneaky bastard.

The Beast:

Beauty & The Beast is basically 50 Shades of Grey for children. I mean, to be fair, I really like The Beast/ Prince Charming, he’s had it pretty rough with that spell and all. But c’mon, he basically forces Belle to stay with him in the castle so that he’ll let her elderly father go free. Imagine if some dude who wanted to date you kidnapped your dad until you agreed to go out with him? I don’t think that’s romantic, but maybe I’m out of line here? Not to mention that he basically scares the shit out of her until the very end…I don’t think he actually hits her, but there’s definitely some type of domestic abuse going on around there.

Photo via The Grown Up Ya

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