Smart Guide To Raging

Now that I’m nearing old lady territory yet still raging like a teenager, I decided to make a little guide for those of us that want to party and not be the walking dead the next day. If you’re not able to sleep off the night before, here are some other things you can do to rage smart.

Stay Hydrated
Ok look. I know you’re probably reading this like “Yeah, bitch. WE KNOW.” But honestly, I don’t think a lot of you really understand the power of hydration. After a night of going halfsies on one of those Hawaiian fish bowls of fruity alcohol, I vowed to try to always have some water after every drink. And it literally gives me life. I don’t care if you’re not thirsty DRINK THAT WATER OR SPEND THE NEXT DAY ROTTING, I PROMISE.

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Clear Liquor
So apparently a lot of people don’t know this but if you’re going to continue to poison your body time and time again, clear liquids are the way to do it. Especially if you’re planning on downing more than two drinks. Darker drinks have a higher concentration of congeners, which are the toxic compounds that form when alcohol ferments. This is obviously heartbreaking for a whiskey lover like me to hear, but at least it explains why I’ve spent the day after a whiskey night like a vampire in its coffin. It all makes sense to me now.

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Avoid Sugar
I know they taste good but let’s be real, if you want a tasty drink have ONE and then stick to drinks with less sugar. Please stop downing cosmo after cosmo, you’re literally giving me a headache just thinking about it. And if you’re getting a spirit mixed with something else, try to avoid juice and sugary sodas. The best mixer is probably soda water because it has no sugar at all.You’ve been warned. Don’t be coming up to me with a strawberry daiquiri in your hand every weekend, wondering why you’ve had a migraine for two weeks. Just don’t.

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Eat Something Before
Oh come on people, do I really have to tell you this? The fact that I know people in their mid-twenties who forget to eat before drinking is like “HELLO?” Hi, what are you doing? If you’re going out to binge drink or roll balls or anything, can you at least nom on some food beforehand? Unless losing consciousness early in the night is all part of your master plan, please don’t do this to yourself.

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Late Night Drunchies
There is nothing better than pigging out at the end of a crazy night. And you know what, I don’t wanna hear about calories right now. I also don’t want to hear about how it’s bad to eat before bed. Bitch you have eight drinks in your system don’t talk to me about what’s good and bad for you right now. Drunchies are oftentimes the reason I go out in the first place. I could be dancing my face off in front of a subwoofer somewhere, secretly waiting for it to be late night burrito time. Eating after drinking is almost always the best thing you can do for your body. Of course if you have the will power, try to opt for Amy’s frozen pizza instead of a greasy dollar slice or a falafel sandwich instead of a huge lamb on rice Halal plate. But seriously guys. If you’re hungry, eat something. Your body will thank you in the morning.

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Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in ViceThe Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld

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