Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

Women are socialized to be polite and nice to people–even when we really rather not. This constant need to take care of everyone’s feeling but our own can lead to–apparently–confusing signals when someone we aren’t into starts to pursue us. I’ve met dozens of women who were too shy or uncomfortable telling someone straight up that they just aren’t interested, or feel that they need to soften the blow. But doing so usually just confuses the person she’s trying to reject. So, this is for the especially persistent people who just don’t take a hint when a woman is politely turning you down–5 signs she’s just not that into you but is too afraid to say it.

1. You texted her. Five times. She replied. Once.  

Why You Think You Have a Chance: She wouldn’t have replied if she didn’t want to bang me, right?!

Why You Don’t: She texted you back once because she felt bad for you, not because she’s interested in hanging out with you or taking this anywhere romantic or sexual. Look closely at what she said to you, how long was the text message? Chances are it was something along the lines of “haha yeah” or “oh, sounds cool”. If the one text message she wrote back to you is clocking in at under five words total, she is definitely not into you at all.

2. You snapchatted her a video of you and your friends hanging out and partying. She snapped you back one of her and her friends. 

Why You Think You Have a Chance: She’s totally sharing with you about her life by showing you all her friends and what she is up to on the weekend. This probably means that she wants you to ask her what she is up to, and if she wants to hang out. It’s not like you didn’t just learn that she was completely occupied with her friends and is busy having a life or something! No way!

Why You Don’t: She’s actually just trying to be nice to you and not completely ignore you. Snapchatting you a group video seemed harmless enough. There’s absolutely no way you’d interpret that as a “come hither” signal or anything of the sort since it was a group video, rather than a solo shot. You showed her you were having fun with your friends, and she did the same. Friendly, clean, and totally not romantic.

3.  You were hanging out at a party and she listened intently for thirty minutes about how much you hate your ex. 

Why You Think You Have a Chance: She listened to you talk for a full thirty minutes about your feelings and seemed mildly supportive although she did flinch a little when you called your ex a “raging bitch” and said “fuck her”. That was probably just because she totally understands your pain, right?

Why You Don’t: This girl was probably way too uncomfortable to just leave you while you were pouring your heart out to her at a party despite the fact that it was the last place on earth she wanted to be and the last conversation she wanted to be having. She flinched when you called your ex a raging bitch, not because she agrees with you, but because she hates when people call their ex girlfriend’s bitches and is thinking about how you’ll probably idolize your next girlfriend and tell her how “different” she is from every other girl, only to call that girl a bitch as well once you inevitably break up. She doesn’t want to be the next girl you call a raging bitch.

4. You drunk dialed her at 3am and she actually picked up. 

Why You Think You Have a Chance: She picked up your 3am phone call. This is basically the equivalent of her saying “I want to bang you so bad” without ever having said those words. Why does that make sense? Who knows. It just does. Because if she didn’t want to bang you she would have just ignored your call. The absolute only reason for picking up a late night phone call is because you want to have sex with that individual.

Why You Don’t: Wildly, there are some reasons people pick up late night phone calls other than to send out a low key signal that they want to be your hook up buddy. Some people think for instance, if they’re getting a 3am phone call that some sort of emergency has happened. Others might think you need help or are in a sticky situation. Even still, some women might actually consider you their friend, and will pick up simply because they’re awake and think it can’t hurt to be friendly and pick up the call. In other words, there are many reasons why she may have picked up your call at 3am. Most them don’t involve an intense desire to hop into bed with you or be your girlfriend.

5. After asking her five times, on the sixth time she agreed to get a drink with you. 

Why You Think You Have a Chance: She finally said yes!!! This can only mean that she’s finally ready to give you the attention you deserve.

Why You Don’t: In all likelihood if she ignored, or turned down your multiple requests to go out before, she’s probably only saying yes at this point in hopes that her acquiescence will quell your incessant harassment. She hopes that by saying yes once and seemingly “giving you a chance” she’ll be able to get rid of you for good in the long run.

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