Side chick, shmide chick! Getting rid of the stigma
“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” is not only a policy that forced military personnel into secrecy, but side chicks too.
Many men (*cough* boys *cough*) embark on the journey to have their cake and eat it too without informing their significant other. In recent times, the girls who guys cheat on their girlfriends with have been known as side chicks — and there’s been quite a stigma attached to holding that position.
But now, it looks like the side chick stigma is getting shaken up a bit — although it’s probably a long time until it goes away completely.
Along with anti-slut shaming and feminist movements, songs like “The Weekend” by SZA are flipping the concept of what a side chick really is and tearing it down. In an interview with the Breakfast Club she explained her meaning behind the lyrics by stating:
“I feel that it’s a male bred term. What I’m saying in the song is ‘My man is your man’… We all share the same dude. Saying that I’m aware, I don’t care, and I don’t need to be his girl. Not even saying that you are his girl. None of us are his girl! All of us are out here trying to get different things for different reasons and my particular reason is just get here and say what you was gone do.”
Ultimately SZA’s song gives the woman a more dominant role, rather than the damsel in distress.
But don’t call her a side chick — she’s also been tweeting about how people are misinterpreting the song.
My man is MY man Is YOUR man heard thts HER man too : thts 3 women ..Not two. all getting played. one opted out. No side chick .Sorry lol
— SZA (@sza) July 9, 2017
Clearly, this means the stigma’s still alive and well — even the singer of what we all assumed was a side chick anthem refuses to classify herself as a side chick.
Still, it’s hard to resist the allure of the side chick concept. Fashion brands are catching on, too.
-Cide is a Brooklyn based label founded by Dashawn Mckenzie. They offer many dope pieces but their release of high-wasted jeans and shorts cleverly named “-Cide Chick Denim” definitely serves this story’s purpose. Each pair features -Cide’s red box logo and a comic on the back pocket that reads “I told you not to fall in love with me”.
He explained the method to their madness, saying:
“When you add ‘-Cide’ to the end of any term it basically means to kill that thing. whatever that may be…whatever you’re doing. So a -Cide Chick is basically an empowered woman that is doing what she has to do. Independent. She’s killing whatever she put’s her mind to and whatever is in her path. Totally different from slang term ‘side chick’.”
In most cases, women don’t realize that they’re the side dish to their guy’s two piece combo until some sessions of intense lurking. Even better, the main chick is usually unaware of the other as well! Surprise, surprise.
Yet, the conversation surrounding side chicks pushes the idea that women actually choose to be side chicks rather than being bamboozled into the role.
Who’s winning between Side Chicks vs. Main Chicks is a popular debate that puts women against each other and always fails to put the actual guy involved under scrutiny. Fortunately, many women are feeling the need to speak up and tell their stories of being the side chick and even meeting the side chick. Just type ” Side Chick Story Time” into YouTube’s search engine and the results speak for themselves.
I even took the liberty of conducting a few anonymous interviews and received the wildest responses. Yet, the man in the situation was consistent. Typical FUCK B*Y!
One girl actually thought she was someone’s main chick, until a confrontation went down in the DMs:
“My, what I thought was boyfriend, had a side chick. I found out when she came in my DM asking if I knew who he was. Like, of course I did but she didn’t know how. She asked me all these questions and they were mad personal. How long did I know him? Did we have sex? Was it protected? and things like that. I questioned her questioning me and then she sent over the screenshots of their messages! At that moment everything came full circle. I confronted my guy and he denied it. Typical reaction but he came clean a few days later. What’s even more crazy, is that he was traveling to see her! I was over it and him.”
Another woman was also taken by surprise to learn the guy she was seeing had a girlfriend:
“I was actually the side chick! I was shocked as fuck when I found out and kind of mad at myself. Like, what girl ever thinks she’s going to be in that position? We were together for a few months and I felt that he was giving me all of his time. This dude definitely had time to spare for his ex though. I would see messages between him and her but he always said they were still ‘cordial family friends,’ ‘didn’t end on bad terms.’ A lot of bullsh*t when I think about it but he told me I was trippin’. Come to find out, they were going on dates… hooking up… the whole nine yards! The funny thing is I stayed around based on him saying she was going to be out of the picture. Of course that didn’t happen. I felt goofy but hey, you live and you learn.”
Now this girl was one of several side chicks, and didn’t really mind:
“I was a…this term is so funny, ‘side chick.’ But so was the other female. The difference between me and her though, I knew it. I honestly wasn’t ready to settle down. I just wanted the perks, without the commitment or someone being over me and so did he. Although he didn’t say it, I mean what guy is?! I was convenient for him just like he was convenient for me. I knew there were others in the picture but I had a couple family portraits of my own too, Okayyy? She wanted a relationship from this dude, and he made her think that he was going to give it to her. On one hand its sad that he would go to that extent but on the other know your role, girly — and who you’re dealing with.”
Moral of the story: It’s not about what you do or did while you were the side chick; it’s about what you do after finding out you have been his side chick.
Most importantly, though, we need to stop treating the side chick like a bad person. The guy who’s two-timing his girlfriend is the villain here.