Thinking About Having Sex on the Beach?

Sex on the beach will never be as sexy as it sounds, unless we’re talking about drinking the cocktail that shares the same name a la playa at Miami Swim Week. Although, I suppose it may be understandable that the beach is one of those places where everyone around you seems  irresistible given the fact that you’re wearing next to nothing,  but it’s still no excuse for taking a day at the beach to a night of beach related sexual misadventure. Here are a few reasons why.

1. Sand. 

Nothing sexier than rubbing body parts together by on the pearly white sands of the beach next to the water, right? WRONG. Unless you have some sort of unquenchable desire for getting a sea shell shard lodged in your vagina. There are all kinds of questionable things in the sand that you’ll be rolling around in should you decide to have a sexual encounter on the beach, glass shards, ghost crabs, and sea shells are just a few. But even without those unsavory materials, it’s worth imagining how uncomfortable it would feel rubbing a pair sandy genitals together. Sexy? Probably not.

2. You’ll Probably Get Arrested. 

Okay maybe not probably if you’re smart enough to pick a secluded enough spot, but there’s always a chance that if you’re fooling around on a public beach, you’re going to be discovered by someone, and when that someone discovers you, they’ll probably call the police (honestly, maybe out of pure good will because they’re worried about that whole sea shell shard business).

3. Encounters with Nature 

Back in high school, one of my friends decided to hook up with a boy while on Spring Break on the beach at night. What resulted were some severe jelly fish stings in very unfortunate places. She hadn’t actually been submerged in the water, she was just sort of at the end of the beach where the water meets the sand. Does getting your vagina stung by a jelly fish sound hot? No? Didn’t think so.

4. The Alternative to “Sand” is “Water” and Water is Bad 

Maybe you’re thinking to avoid the whole sand paper genitals phenomenon that you’ll just have sex in the ocean as an alternative. In which case I can remind you to see the above reason one more time and consider whether you’d enjoy having all kinds of marine life– fish, crabs, jelly fish, and yes, SHARKS, swimming around you while you’re having sex. The ocean may seem like a sexy place to have sex, but there’s a whole slew of reasons not to venture into it to all hot and steamy. No, literally, we’ve already covered this and jelly fish stings are the least of your concerns.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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