You Can Now Send Your Enemies a “Bag of Dicks”
Ah man, I honestly wish I wasn’t as excited about this as I am. Mainly, because I wish I had never encountered as many people as I have who actually deserve something like this. But, I digress the latest in weird but useful services available on the market, Dicks By Mail, allows you to anonymously send an actual bag of penis shaped gummies to your enemies. The accompanying message, eloquently states, “Eat a Bag of Dicks!”
I had a hard time deciding whether I liked this idea. On one hand, I loved the whole anonymous and very tangible way of saying “f*** you” to someone who deserves it. On the other hand, I wasn’t too keen on the fact that I’d be sending a bag of gummies that my enemy could then really enjoy eating. Do I really want to buy someone I hate a bag of candy from which they may derive even marginal amounts of pleasure…? (No).
All things considered though, I am sure whoever receives this type dick-o-gram, so to speak, probably is going to realize one way or another that they’ve pissed someone off. Which, is useful, I suppose. I only wish that the dick shaped edibles would be a bit more unpleasant tasting than just conventional candy. Something, perhaps, along the lines of earwax flavored Bertie Bots Every Flavored Jelly Beans that were available back in the height of the Harry Potter craze? Better yet, couldn’t there be an actual dick flavored gummy invented that could more accurately convey the message?
Come on Dicks By Mail, I love the idea, but if I’m going to pay $15 for your service, you’re gonna have to step your dick gummy game up.