Samii Ryan From “Sex & The Valley” Tells Us How To Avoid Falling For F*ckboys
Did you ever wake up and say to yourself, “I really wish I had a boyfriend who paid no attention to me, wants to control me, doesn’t support me, talks down to me, is untrustworthy, has no ambition, lacks in communication skills, thinks they can always find someone better than me, or just wants me around when it’s convenient for them?” I highly doubt any female has ever had those requirements when looking for a partner. However, why do some of us continuously date the same ole’ douche bags? Why are we stuck dating the same human in a different body? Women do not want temporary happiness, women want a permanent smile!
Why do we keep attracting the same f*ck boys with the small dick (that’s a personal one)? Well, let me tell you this: we are subconsciously thinking that they fill our idea of love. However, consciously, we know the difference between a good and a bad one. Our minds do indeed f*ck with us. We are creating an internal war between our very own conscious and subconscious definition of what love really means.
When we grow up, we don’t consciously know what love is and how it feels. We learn those feelings and emotions from our home and our relationships with our family members. I had a good childhood with my sisters, but there was a lot of negativity in my home and in my relationship with my parents. There was never a day I don’t remember my parents fighting. I learned subconsciously that my relationship with my dad was what I compared love to. I’m not saying that every girl who dates a douche bag has daddy issues, but I am saying that we learn the definition of love from our very own home.
I want to know how I can tell myself to stop dating these f*ck boys. For anyone like me who’s had a cycle of boyfriends who are absolute assholes, well, you should follow along and do this conscious v. subconscious exercise with me.
On a piece of paper:
Write down all the negative and positive aspects of your home. Also, write down the positive and negative experiences you had in the relationship with both of your parents.
Postive – Awesome adventures like my sisters and I were in an episode of Rugrats.
Negative – Yelling and screaming and name calling between my parents.
Positive – Is loving, caring and giving.
Negative – Didn’t stick up for herself.
Positive – Supported his family financially.
Negative – Was verbally controlling.
On another piece of paper:
Write down all the negative and positive qualities of your last relationships.
Chad – Would compare himself to my ex.
Positive – great sex, good conversation, we had fun together
Negative – controlling, untrustworthy, player, and verbally abusive
When you write down a list of all the negative and positive attributes you had in your home and with each of your parents, compare that list to the list you made of all the previous men you have dated and see the similarities between the negatives. Circle them. These are what your mind thinks of love.
Now, how the hell do you change that? You can’t go back and change your past. What you can do, however, is start looking for people to date with only the positive qualities you want in someone. I find myself always stuck with the same f*ck boys, (please go away) and now *LIGHTBULB* I know that I’m choosing to date these men myself. I know that I don’t deserve that kind of love, but I am accepting it and I no longer want to.
Not all men are douche bags, but many women are attracting them like a moth to a flame. I’m reassuring you that as women, we can identify these patterns and pick up on the red flags. Say goodbye to the f*ck boy and hello to much bigger and better dating opportunities.