Riverdale’s mid-season premiere gave Betty a super creepy brother

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“Riverdale” last led fans to believe that the Black Hood was caught, and that the town was once again safe. The relationships we once held sacred are seemingly destroyed when Betty and Archie kissed (they’re so shady for that). Veronica made a deal with her parents and paid off Fred’s $86,000 medical bill. Cheryl’s family is suddenly dirt poor, Archie is being stalked by someone with a camera, and Nick St. Clair gets severely injured in a “skiing accident” after he attacked Veronica and Cheryl. 

After a long break, “Riverdale” returned last night with an episode that was yet another giant drama bomb.

We see Riverdale in the opening shots, only it’s not Riverdale really. It’s much gloomier and darker than when we last saw it. It almost looks like a scene out of “Halloweentown,” as Archie pushes through the fog to see Veronica. Yes, they’re somehow back together even after his tryst with Betty. But does Veronica know? I think not.

Penelope Blossom gets a job, as per Cheryl’s request. But, Cheryl wasn’t prepared to find out that the job is as an escort to Riverdale’s lonely men. Cheryl is clearly displeased by the idea of her mom as a “woman of the night,” but Penelope seems to be pretty proud of her new source of income.

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New Year. New School.. this Wednesday on @thecwriverdale 📺

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Veronica promises her parents that she will be able to stop any of her classmates’ revolts “when the news breaks,” and we soon find out that that news is Southside High’s immediate shut down. The serpents then have to be dispersed to school’s throughout Riverdale, including Riverdale High. Which means, you guessed it, Jughead is finally back. Why did they have him attend Southside High in the first place? That’s a mystery, tbh.

We quickly find out the reason why Veronica has to keep everyone calm. Her parents are trying to buy the land under Southside High, and they can only do so in the way they know best — by conniving. They teamed up with the town’s dirtiest politician, Mayor McCoy, and in exchange for her help they will make a large donation to her re-election fund.

Jughead uses the typewriter Betty gave him for Christmas to write a love story, while Betty is giving strange looks to Archie kissing Veronica. I guess we’re back to another love triangle that’s probably about to cause a stir.

Betty runs into an intruder at home, who turns out to be a postpartum Polly rummaging through her childhood room. Polly takes her belongings and leaves in quite the hurry, telling Betty that the leaders of the farm (a.k.a. her creepy cult) told her to disassociate from her family. She doesn’t want her mom to be involved in her children’s lives. Polly named her twins Juniper and Dagwood, and that’s how you know she’s probably either high as shit or brainwashed.

Betty now wants a new sibling, because Polly is pretty much gone for good. She decides that it’s a good idea to hire a private investigator to find her long lost brother, Charles, who her mother gave up as a teenager. She ultimately finds him, and her mother agrees to visit him as long as they don’t tell Betty’s father. Do I smell a family feud brewing??

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An FBI agent (or is he?) tracks down Archie and tells him about Hiram Lodge and Nick’s “accident.” Archie starts to believe the agent when he says that Hiram is extremely dangerous and involved in organized crime. So much so that he starts to investigate the Lodge family from the inside out, without thinking about Veronica’s safety. Cheryl spills the beans to Archie about Veronica being attacked by Nick, too, and Archie fully believes that Hiram put a hit on Nick which left him injured and in two full leg casts.

Archie, without telling Veronica, finds Nick and threatens him to write a check for Cheryl, since she burned the last hush money check in the fire. But now being broke, she knows her family needs the money, so she allowed Archie to go. Nick doesn’t give af about the money and knows Archie is actually just there to find out some dirt about the Lodges, and texts Veronica to let him know about Archie’s little stunt.

Did anyone else think it was kind of sexy when Archie was threatening Nick because of what he did to Veronica? Cuz damn.

Due to Nick giving Archie away, he feels the need to come clean about something pretty big: that Betty kiss. Veronica somehow takes it really well. If I was her, that would most definitely not be the case, so it makes me think that something is up and that Archie is a part of some larger plan for Veronica.

But, Archie got Cheryl her money (doubled), and all is well in the Blossom home, except Penelope still wants to be a prostitute because it’s a fun pastime for her.

Meanwhile at Riverdale High, our favorite serpents are now walking the halls, including our gal Toni Topaz. Jughead is really resistant to go back to Riverdale High, probably because of a certain break-up with a certain blonde. Veronica puts energy into welcoming the serpents with open arms (remember the deal with her parents), while the rest of the school led by Cheryl are out to get the serpents kicked out.

The catch? The serpents now have a ton of rules. After Reggie tags the school and frames the serpents, Principal Weatherbee bans all gang-related items — including tattoos and the ever-important leather jackets. When Jughead refuses to follow the rules, he’s suspended from Riverdale High. Not sure why Jughead is so diehard about a fucking jacket but, y’know.

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Veronica tells her parents about the backlash with the serpents, so the Lodges donate money for uniforms for the serpents. Weatherbee basically tells them to fit in with the donated polos or gtfo.

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Archie tells the FBI agent (still not convinced) that he doesn’t think that they “got the right guy.” Aka, he thinks that the innocent janitor is indeed, innocent. No shit.

Betty isn’t really involved in anything other than finding her brother this episode. Her and her mother find Charles living in a dump and possibly running a porn business (this wasn’t fully clear, but there was a camera and a mention of fantasies). He denies his family at first, but when Betty returns later for some more convincing, she finds him being beaten and stabbed by a random man. Betty saves “Chic” – as he prefers – and takes him home for some help from her parents who patch him up and give him a place to stay.

The episode ends on a chilling note, with Chic walking in on his new, darling sister Betty to watch her sleep. How sweet, right? I have a bad feeling about Chic, and she had “perhaps let another [monster] into her family’s lives,” according to Jughead, our narrator.

Things I’m left wondering:

1. Who tf is the Black Hood?

This is perhaps the biggest Riverdale mystery of all, and the one thing that was barely discussed in the mid-season premier.

2. Varchie

Whatever is going on between Archie and Veronica seems odd or rocky right now, and I want to know what’s up. I want there to be something juicy here but maybe I’m just fishing.

3. Can we trust Chic?

Can you really trust a guy who nicknamed himself Chic? Idk. Can you trust someone who creepily watches you sleep? Most likely not. He just looks like trouble. Watch out for Chic this season.

4. FBI Agent

Ok so this FBI agent almost seems too good to be true, which is why I think it’s fake news. Why would one agent just show up and ask a high schooler to help him in an investigation as big as the Hiram take-down? If Hiram is as dangerous as the agent says, they would only have trained personnel on the case. He’s shady.

5. RIP Serpents?

Even though the serpents were on the verge of creating a club at school for them to hang out, it seems as though they’re getting silenced. Does this episode mean the decline of the serpents for good? Let’s see.

6. Chopaz

I’m shipping Toni Topaz and Cheryl Blossom RIGHT NOW. You heard me, folks. There were some looks exchanged between the two that just can’t be ignored.

7. Nick

Is he coming back as a regular character? He sucks, but I feel like Riverdale could use one more scumbag to stir the pot.

Gimme More POP

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