How To Properly Use Boys

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Written By Evelyn Pelczar

Relationships are messy. You start off having a crush, go on a few dates, hook up, and then bam, you’re in a relationship that is so Facebook official even your relatives are commenting on pictures. Now, just because I’m against it doesn’t mean that I come from a broken home. In fact, my parents have been married for a little over 35 years now. But I feel as though marriages like theirs are a dying breed. A Katy Perry and Russell Brand relationship. Which is why I am going for something completely off course.

I used to think that having a boyfriend was grand. Someone to talk to all the time, hang out, kiss, be supportive etc. But I’ve realized that I don’t need that. I mean, aside from the kissing part, my best friend fulfills all the other needs. And she comes with way less baggage and drama. So I have decided that instead of going out and seeking a boyfriend that I will seek out an Instagram buddy. What does this mean? It’s pretty simple actually: someone who photographs well and could be mistaken for as a boyfriend.

Now, you’re probably thinking that I am the most shallow bitch, but let me explain. I have had my heart broken way too many times and each time made me put up my guard. I mean, guys are great and use them for whatever you’d like ladies, but they are especially great for a photo opp. That is if your man is cute. But I did come to a realization that guys treat every girl the same way. They make her feel like she’s special and they take her for dinner a few times, etc. etc. but then they drop her. So fast and hard that the poor girl usually never knows what just hit her.

Guys are almost allowed to use girls these days. It’s looked upon as being cool or whatever by fellow bros, while the girls they f***ed get lost in the mix. I’m trying to change the scene. I think it’s perfectly acceptable to use a boy. In the right filter of course. So I figured, if guys use girls all the time then why can’t girls use guys? I mean, at least I’m not going the slut route by hooking up with these guys. I just want pictures with good light. Plus, most of the guys in Manhattan are gross and squirming with diseases and I’m definitely not trying to catch anything except for a great angle. So as I send my apologies to mummy and daddy who shouldn’t be expecting a son-in-law anytime soon, I also want to apologize to the boys in my past who were only as great as the amount of Instagram likes they brought to my pictures.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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