Rejecting Men: “No Actually Means No”

Guest contributor Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in ViceThe Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld

For me, there are few words that pack more punch than the word “no.” I mean, it’s only two letters but it’s used to get most points across. It’s such a basic and primal word, the word “no.” And it’s universal. Unless you’re living in a Martian colony you can recognize the word. But these days, I’m starting to wonder if it actually means anything to anyone else.

This is coming from a very real place. I’ve been consistently asked out by the same person for just about a year now. And I’ve given a very blatant rejection every single goddamn time. And ladies, I’m not talking about a polite rain check, I was straight up telling and showing this dude I wasn’t down. And you know what, he still doesn’t care.

The Destiny’s Child ladies said it themselves. You’ll be saying no no no no no when it’s really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. But you guys, sometimes no no no no no literally means NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Why would I still be saying no after 365 days when I secretly want you? That’s NOT a thing. And it kind of scares me that some people don’t take a woman’s refusal seriously enough to actually leave her alone.

In South American culture, the women are raised to be coy with men initially. “No” could very well mean “Yes, but not right now.” But what if a woman actually means it? How is she supposed to get her obvious refusal across without punching someone in the face? American culture isn’t that different, although more subtle. Here, if you say “no” a few times, you’re supposedly playing hard to get. Honestly this concept of NO is pretty hard to get as well.

Alright people, if you look at a situation objectively, you can tell when someone is playing games and when they actually don’t want to deal with you. If someone stops responding to your texts, and three seasons have gone by, and you still haven’t heard from them, please don’t ask them out again. Only a serious masochist would set themselves up for seasonal rejections.

Being coy should be illegal. Sorry coy girls but you’re making it so annoying for the rest of us who are just trying to be real. I want to feel like my “no” means something. Not just to me, but to the person receiving it. And if the word loses its meaning, then what do we even have left? Take me for my two-letter word and go find someone with a YES to offer you.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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