Read This Before You Have Sex With Your Ex

 

Sure, it might be comfortable to go back to having sex with the person you’ve dated for the last two years. No one is saying old habits aren’t hard to break, or in some cases, even fun to indulge every once in a while, but having sex with your ex is not one of those habits in which you should indulge. Here’s why:

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You’ll be stuck in relationship purgatory.

“There are no strings attached, so why is your ex suddenly kissing your forehead, making you breakfast, and reminiscing about old times with you?”

Talk about frustration with not knowing what you “are”. Having sex with your ex will bring you to whole other level of confusion regarding your label. Are the two of you getting back together, eventually? Are you back together? Is this just casual sex? Discerning the answer to these be close to impossible. Despite the fact that you may be telling yourself over and over again that the sex doesn’t mean anything, you could be falling back into old patterns with your ex merely as a consequence of proximity. There are no strings attached, so why is your ex suddenly kissing your forehead, making you breakfast, and reminiscing about old times with you? Before you know it, you could find yourself back in those old feelings, and right when you do will probably be the moment when you find yourself looking at a picture of your ex and their new fling on Instagram. If this sounds like a fun game to play to you, then by all means go ahead. But, I can’t imagine anyone who would like to put themselves through this type of hell voluntarily.

It prevents you from moving on to better things. 

“Focusing all your romantic and sexual time and energy on an ex partner certainly does nothing for developing your future prospects”

While you’re busy stuck playing the game described above, you’ll also be missing out on all sorts of opportunities to meet someone who is actually interested in building a relationship with you. Or, perhaps if you’re not interested in a relationship, a better partner in bed. Focusing all your romantic and sexual time and energy on an ex partner certainly does nothing for developing your future prospects. When it comes times to call it quits with your ex, and trust me, the time will come, you’ll find yourself at square one despite having officially “broken up” with your ex months earlier.

Old drama could–and probably will–resurface. 

“Your ex is your ex and not your current partner for a reason. And I don’t mean that in the quasi philosophical sense of the phrase that people sometimes throw around to make each other feel better about ghosts of love life’s past.”

Your ex is your ex and not your current partner for a reason. And I don’t mean that in the quasi philosophical sense of the phrase that people sometimes throw around to make each other feel better about ghosts of love life’s past. I mean that you and your ex broke up because of some real conflict that the two of you had that could not be resolved. If you think having sex with your ex is going to resolve that conflict, you’re lying to yourself. There are many ways to approach solving a problem in a relationship that do not involve poking around each others genitals. If those approaches are being neglected in favor of just having sex again, and hoping everything will work itself out in time, it’s highly unlikely the conflict that ended your relationship in the first place will ever be addressed. And leaving that conflict unaddressed in a real and meaningful way is probably going to breed resentment.

It will destroy any potential friendship that could develop between the two of you. 

“If there was any chance that the two of you could build a friendship in the future, it is likely to be destroyed when you start having sex again.”

Whether or not you would have been able to be friends with your ex even if the two of you didn’t have sex is another story. However, if there was any chance that the two of you could build a friendship in the future, it is likely to be destroyed when you start having sex again. The constant dredging up of old feelings, arguments, and drama will inevitably leave one or both of you so bitter, being in the same city may make your blood boil let alone being on speaking terms.

It will hurt at least one of you even more when you finally move on. 

“Clean breaks may seem impossible at first when you’re so used to being around someone 24/7, or, when you may still be in love with you ex, but they are better for everyone in the end. “

No matter how hard you try, having sex with your ex will most likely conjure feelings of hope for reconciliation in one, if not both, of you. When those hopes are shattered by the decision of one person to move on, it will hurt so much worse than if the two of you had a clean break. Even if you’re not the person whose hopes were crushed, you may feel like the bad guy, or at the very least slightly guilty, for letting your ex down, no matter how gently you try to do it. Clean breaks may seem impossible at first when you’re so used to being around someone 24/7, or, when you may still be in love with you ex, but they are better for everyone in the end.

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