How To Read A Dude Based Off Where He Cums

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You’d be lying through your teeth if you said that you’ve never had a guy cum on you. Of course I hope it was after really bomb sex and not because he just happened to react under pressure and wasn’t even able to put it in first. But whatever the cirCUMstance, he saw, he conquered, and he came. On you. But the most important part of this scenario is where he decides to squirt his junk.

You can tell a lot about a dude based on where he has cum and we’re here to let it all out.

1. Your Boobs

He’s going to tell his bros about this. Probably immediately after and he might also attempt to shoot some hoops because he also has the biggest crush on Drake and Kanye. He probably watches way too much porn on his laptop after work, too. Or, you know the guys who post YouTube videos on their Facebook page with the captions, “mood” ? Yeah, that’s him.

2. Your Ass/Back

We like this guy. When a dude cums on your ass/back, it’s pretty hot and we don’t have to deal with staring at his embarrassing cum face. Unless he doesn’t have an embarrassing cum face and just finds your ass to be sexy as f*ck. But if this is the only way he’ll cum then he may have some underlying emotional issues and might be a dick because he can’t occasionally look you in the eyes. F*cker.

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3. Into  A Sock

He’s been jerking off ever since he first saw American Pie or his first pair of tits. He probably still lives with his roommates who birthed him in Long Island. This champ is a class act. Not.

4. Your Inner Thighs

First rule of Fight Club? Yeah, yeah we all know the answer to that question. This guy is like Brad Pitt from Fight Club. He’s a little off the chart and doesn’t live by the rules. Sure, maybe he’ll get you pregnant, but then again, maybe he won’t. He’s a f*cking spaz who changes his mind at the last second.

5. On Your Face

This dude. This guy is actually in love with watching porn. And probably visits the sex shop quite frequently. He’s also going to try to make you do some real freaky shit, but not that kind that makes you moan. More like the kind that makes you run away screaming. Que Patrick Bateman.

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6. Inside Your Mouth

Haha you’re not his girlfriend. You’re the side chick.

7. The Condom

You would think this would be the normal thing, but it’s actually becoming a f*cking extinct act now. If you find a guy who cums in the condom, you need to keep him. He actually cares about babies, diseases, etc. Prince charming worthy.

8.Your Stomach

We like this guy as well. He’s like the back/ass guy, but since you two make eye contact it’s more intimate. Some girls might take it as he’s not decisive/too lazy. Or that he’s probably a major pot head. But at the end of the day, we like this guy. He knows what’s up. Besides his dick of course.

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