Why People Who DGAF About Social Media Are So Hot
As millennials we have become experts of social media. Now, instead of needing to take a shot before a first date, we can relax knowing he has probably found out every thing about us through Instagram, Snapchat… even Venmo.
Being active on these platforms used to scream “social butterfly” and give you an automatic boost into being perceived as cool and confident. But times have changed my friend, and nowadays, giving everyone too much insight into your life has become a major turn off.
Wheres the mystery?! The romance?! Definitely not on your latest#newyearnewyou post of you at Soul Cycle. It’s become hotter to stay aloof and not plaster your life all over the internet.
Social media is something that has definitely defined our generation, especially in the dating game. Once upon a time I, and many others, would rely on social media to give me reassurance of whether my latest boo and I were compatible or not.
However, there has definitely been a shift. After speaking to Cyber Dating Expert Dr Julie Spira and my friends, I realized it’s not as appealing being social media obsessed as it used to be. And people who stay off social media are weirdly hot and alluring.
When I asked a friend why he doesn’t like girls with a big social media presence, he said the same thing most baby boomers say: social media is for narcissists.
“From personal experience, those obsessed with Instagram, etc., have shackled themselves to their phones and are paralyzed by how many followers [and how much] love they get,” he said. “Not only is that unattractive, but it is shallow and devoid of anything that resembles a real life.”
Although this particular friend has never been very big on the social media front and therefore might have been a bit biased, I followed up with Dr. Spira who seemed to have a similar answer, just less aggressive.
“If you’re posting how fabulous you are, it could send the message that you might have narcissistic tendencies or are just plain insecure,” she said.
Another friend of mine made a great point: if you are constantly always snapping meals or what you’re doing, it becomes all about making sure people see what you’re doing rather than enjoying it. Not cute.
So then I started to think: how much is too much social media activity? And isn’t a tiny bit weird not to have any at all?
One friend said posting once a month is perfect, but having fewer than 20 photos on Instagram is weird. Another said that too little activity makes it hard to stalk them online (which she admits is a problem but one that can’t be helped, because of the temptation).
Realistically, we all have a cheeky stalk here and there. But where is the line from being inquisitive to downright obsessive?
“The need to check their social media to see if they are really home nursing the flu or are out on another date can get problematic,” Dr. Spira said. But then, she added, photos can be misinterpreted.
This resonated with me a lot, as I have jumped to many conclusions when seeing a picture of bae holding hands with someone only to find out it’s his relative, resulting in me looking psycho.
Just like anything in life, you need a healthy balance. But it seems to me like we are leaning more towards being turned off by our bae’s social media. The majority of my friends agreed with this, one even went to say, “I’m a man of mystery so for a profile pic on wherever, keep me guessing baby.”
Dudes are so eloquent.
My girlfriends also seemed to say they’d rather know less about someone than know everything through social media.
Dr. Spira had a slightly different opinion, believing that “millennials will always jump into the latest social media rage just to be different from where their parents are hanging their digital hats. Let’s just hope they stop ghosting each other when its time to break up.” AMEN.
At the end of the day we would be lying to ourselves if we said that we don’t want to see bae having any social media presence, but the days of 20 uploads an hour of what coffee you’re drinking, who you’re with, and what you’re wearing are long gone.