Open Letter To Ex-Boyfriend (Can Be Used As Template)

I’m petty. I’ll be the first to admit it. Though largely considered a negative trait there are few things in life better than petty victories. One of the sweetest and pettiest victories in life is having an ex who treated you like shit come crawling back. I’m not a good ex to crawl back to, at my worst I’m vindictive and take pleasure in cruelty when I believe the person is deserving. So when my ex somehow found me and started hitting me up on Instagram 8 years after it was over, I decided to take the low road and write an open letter about it, please feel free to use this for your own exes.

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Dear Ex,
It was highly entertaining to me that you decided to contact me after all these years. You sure know how to flatter a girl with likes and comments and messages recounting vivid details of the mediocre sex we had years ago when I was still a teenager. I felt the deepest pity for your girlfriend of 5 years as you told me I was better than her and chuckled at your insisting you were better looking than my husband. You left me your number numerous times, telling me to use it. I found the videos you sent me of yourself shirtless and working out in your parent’s basement, where I gather you still live, cringe inducing and hilarious at the same time, so did my friends. It was a bit disturbing but still hilarious when after I ignored you, you started sending me angry videos saying things like “You ain’t shit. You think you’re better than me?”. To which my response is, umm yeah I do think I’m better than you, that’s why I left you. Objectively speaking you are in your thirties still have no education, no job skills, still live at your parents house, have a kid you can barely care for, and are basically still chasing the same coke dreams you were chasing 8 years ago while still being in the same exact position you were 8 years ago. I on the other hand am still in my twenties, educated, working, interning, trying to turn my passion into a career, married, moved around the country three times over i.e. not living with my parents, have no kids to worry about, and have plans and goals for the future. I really wish you the best of luck with everything, just nothing involving me.

Sincerely,
Your Ex-Girlfriend

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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