This Is Why You’re Not Finding Your Soulmate on Tinder


I admit it, most people I hang out with aren’t actively searching for their soulmate on However, most of my friends have downloaded Tinder (and met at least a few potential mates via the app), and tried some other apps as well (Happn is my personal fave). Although I very actively used Happn (and Tinder a bit) after moving to New York and not knowing many people, I eventually dropped off the app because it became “too stressful.”

I know, I know, how can messaging a bunch of hot guys who want to take you out on dates be stressful?

Believe me, if you didn’t check your app for one day and returned to 50 new notifications, you would be stressed too.

I’m not trying to toot my own horn and say I was getting blown up on dating apps because I’m so ridiculously good looking either. I’m a chick, and I think most people (especially girls) can say that they haven’t had issues accumulating a lengthy list of matches on Tinder.

Read: The Dos and Don’ts of Dating Apps HERE.

Yash Kanoria, a professor at Columbia University, clearly understands my dating woes. Kanoria, who specializes in Market Design and Business Analytics, compares dating apps to a crowded market. He concludes that:

“In particularly crowded markets, suitors have an incentive to send out as many messages as possible, with negative repercussions for every other potential match. Every time a dater sends a message to another user they increase their odds of eventually winning a date with someone—after all, you can’t strike out all the time. At the same time, however, they reduce the likelihood that anyone else will match with the recipient of their message.”

With apps like Tinder giving you matches as soon as they swipe right on your cute selfie, it can get pretty clustered. The more matches you have, the less likely you are to respond to all your messages. If you do manage to respond to all your messages, you are probably not invested in the conversation because you’re too worried about responding to everyone. In my case, I would generally respond with the shortest message as possible, and while this was time efficient, it obviously prevented me from actually making a connection with someone.

Thankfully for us single ladies out there, some dating apps are taking these same findings into consideration when modeling their apps. Eharmony and have adopted the method of showing 1-10 dates per day a little while ago, and newer apps Hinge and Coffee Meets Bagel are following the trend.

“The more the merrier” applies to a lot of things, and while I’m all for scanning through 300 hot dudes to choose who’s taking me out next Tuesday- ain’t nobody got time for that.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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