Nobody Told Me: Shit I Should’ve Known About Hot Yoga
The first thing they tell you when you do a hot yoga class as a beginner is to take it slow, “It’s hot, you’ll get lightheaded.” I mentally prepared myself for the heat equivalent to a sticky August day. The door opened and a heat that is a degree too cool for hell welcomed me. The few seconds in between molten lava air rush into my face and trying to breath I realized that I didn’t actually want to be breathing. The sudden heat is NOT what leaves newbies lightheaded, it’s the smell. Nobody told me about the smell!
Alongside the lack of soap and deodorant, everyone chose to only wear underwear. Uhh.. was there a memo I missed? As the class progressed I realized that the correct outfit was, in fact, nothing. I should have been naked. I wanted to look around and see if anyone else was half as sweaty as I was, but I couldn’t see thanks to all the sweat that dripped into my eye sockets. The instructor, who could only be compared to a very calm drill sergeant, explained that we should be breathing deeply. Normally I wouldn’t oppose oxygen since I need it to like.. live, but it was REALLY hard to breathe. The room was getting progressively hotter and with every breath all I could smell was the combination of everyone’s sweat. Nobody told me I would sweat this much. I know it’s HOT yoga, but a better name for it would be YOGA WHERE YOU FEEL LIKE YOU ARE BEING SET ON FIRE. Oh, and, nobody told me to bring extra clothes (lol). I spent my 15 minute train ride home isolated in a far corner since no human wanted to sit near me and my au naturalé sweat perfume.
Would I do it again? Interestingly enough, HELL yeah! I felt super relaxed and stretched out the next day, but I’d bring an extra towel and possibly donate a few bottles of Lysol to the instructor before hand.