Why You Need A Dong Day
Everyone is really f*cking busy these days. Either you’re working two jobs, have a project on the side, you’re in school and interning, or maybe you’re just the most social person ever who says yes to any party invitation.
Whatever the case may be though, there is one crucial solution that will carry you on through the awful work week. And that is dedicating one day to your bed and your partner. Alright and some seamless or room service too, you know, for energy.
But in this day and age it’s hard for many of us to escape our jobs and take a trip to, I don’t know, Hawaii or Ethiopia, or wherever your ideal vacation spot is.
We’re better off just scrolling through beach pictures on Instagram while we wait to get off work and that one annoying co-worker is making fun of how “you wish you were there.” Yes, Chad, I really do f*cking wish I was there. Which is why I’m looking at it. Moron.
But that’s what makes a day in bed the perfect escape from everyone. And by everyone I mean life. Or just Chad.
I mean, Jay-Z once said, “Young Hov’ in the house is so necessary. No bra with that blouse, that’s so necessary. No panties and jeans, that’s so necessary.”
However, the only necessary things (besides your mate) are listed below:
Absolutely no phones or laptops or drones or anything allowed. Alright, we’ll keep it chill because you may need a laptop if that’s your only form of watching movies or television. And okay, you may need that phone to call up room service or order online.
BUT, besides that, you are not to use the phone to text your friend the status update on your dong day or pick up that call from mom. Ew, I mean, why would you even consider the last part? Spare her.
Keep Human Interaction Small
The only other person you two should be seeing is the person who delivers your food. Of course, make sure you’re fully clothed to answer the door. It can be really embarrassing if room service comes through and you’re looking out the window like an idiot with no clothes on.
Zero Clothes, Only Robes
Which brings me to our zero clothes rule. In the event that you get up from bed (which you really shouldn’t) then you’re going to need a robe. Don’t you dare put all of your clothes back on. Because whoever does that first, loses. And by loses, I mean that they’re done for the day.
Don’t put them back in (the bed) coach!
Alright this is somewhat crucial. I’m hoping the two of you are too busy to even find the remote or turn on your laptop, but if you need a break to chill and rest then a Netflix account will be necessary. Or Apple TV, HBO Go, a VHS player (I’m not judging).
Right. As much as us girls will never admit to being hungry, but we will agree to go “for a snack,” we need food. And in order to cum back for more, you need carbs and substance, ladies. It’s alright though, you’ll work it off once the day is done. And throw in some water and sh*t during half time.
Lastly, have f*cking fun! Switch up positions or take on a new one. This is your only day to be extremely adventurous. No need to pull a muscle or something. Please, if you actually have no idea what the hell you’re doing, then you can step it down a bit.
Because no one is judging you except for the people who can hear you next door.
Happy dong day, ladies.