10 Historical Figures That Were Hornier Than You

It’s hard to avoid news about sex these days. Whether you’re browsing magazines in the grocery store, listening to the radio, or on this very website. But what about when sex wasn’t so widespread? Did people still talk about it quite so much? And how did they do it?

1. Mozart wrote a song that translates to “Lick Me In The Ass”

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Okay, it wasn’t a legit song he performed in public. It was probably a gag song he made up with his friends (like the song you made up to remember the info on your fake ID), but it’s still pretty damn funny to know that one of the most famous musicians in history still used the theme of eating ass in his music (maybe Jhene Aiko was inspired?)

2. Jean Jacques Rousseau loved getting spanked

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Yeah, that Rousseau. The famous philosopher you’ve been learning about since middle school. He allegedly would run around with his pants pulled down begging for females to swat his rear. It’s nice to know that an affinity for being spanked doesn’t mean you can’t make it as a famous historical figure for the right reasons.

3. President Lyndon B. Johnson was an exhibitionist

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Or so it appears according to multiple sources… When asked in an interview why American troops were in Vietnam, he pulled out his…Johnson, and said “this is why!” Apparently he nicknamed his one-eyed friend “Jumbo” and banged almost all of his secretaries…yay America?

4. Empress Wu Zetian of the Tang Dynasty made visiting dignitaries do sexual favors for her

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Talk about a bad bitch. As one of the first female rulers of China in 3000 years (at the time), she needed to show the male rulers that she could still pussy-whip them. She forced them to eat her out in order to assert her dominance. You go girl!

5. The vibrator was invented to “cure” women of hysteria

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Call me crazy, but I think in 2015 we call this being horny?

‘Hysteria’ could really mean anything in the 19th and early 20th century, and the diagnosis was for doctors to use their hands to “relieve” the woman (aka some good ‘ol finger-blasting). To save doctors the trouble, the vibrator was then invented.

6. President Warren G. Harding has a 900 page file of love letters available at the Library of Congress

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This could be cute, or just TMI. Unfortunately, his hand-writing is harder to read than expected. But, considering she was his mistress, we can only imagine. After all, would you want a documented file of your sexts being released to the public?

7. King Charles II watched his nephew f*ck his new bride

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Dads teach you how to ride a bike, how to do your algebra homework, but usually not how to please a lady. Even if they do offer some “helpful hints” they are generally not watching you have sex and shouting encouraging phrases from the sidelines. For William of Orange, his uncle Charles clearly wanted to make sure he was doing everything right.

8. Confessional booths were originally created to keep priests celibate

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We all know priests can get a bad rep… Apparently it is somewhat well deserved, as confessional booths were literally made to prevent the priests from seducing the sinners.

9. Anne Frank’s diary was edited for her rants about masturbation and menstruation

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Why does this not surprise us? Ancient rulers can have sex with sheep, but for a young girl to be exploring her own body is completely preposterous! Luckily, you can now read the full version as times have changed.

10. The first pornographic film was released only a year after the first movie was made

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Sex sells. Always has, and always will.

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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