Over It: Morning Sex
Why do they say morning sex is the best sex? Honestly, I think it’s overrated. It’s like waking up in the morning and craving an egg sandwich, but realizing you’re out of eggs. And you only have about two spoons of stale cereal in your cabinet. But it’s there so you pour it down your throat super fast and go on with your day.
Everyone glorifies morning sex, but there are actually some key elements that suck about it.
1. Morning Breath
Don’t even try to kid yourself that morning breath is not that big of a deal or totally alright to work around. There is nothing hot about your man breathing through his mouth while he is on top of you and looking into your eyes. Or having him try to kiss you.
2. Roommate Situation
Waking up in the mornings and making sure you don’t have raccoon eyes is hard enough. But waking up only to have silent morning sex is the worst. You can hear his roommate(s) start their day and walking around as they get dressed for work. Which leaves you two looking like deer in headlights as you f*ck in silence. Even more awkward if this guy is just a one night stand.
3. Let There Be Light
Remember when you ran into that table at the club last night? And it left a bruise the size of Mars on your thigh? Yeah, he can see it. It’s bad enough when you’re just waking up and trying to adjust your eyes to all the exposed light in the room, but what happens when you also realize that your one night stand man is not as hot as you suspected? Great, you brought Danny Devito home.
4. Shower Time
You finish having morning sex and then realize that it’s still a weekday and you have to be at work in an hour. Well, the first thing out the window is a shower if you’re at his place. You only have enough time to get dressed, throw some makeup on, and pray that you don’t reek of sex/alcohol while you’re at work.
5. Still Exhausted From The Night
Your f*ck session went on so long at night that the thought of having to do it again in the morning while your body is still aching does not sound like the perfect morning to you. All you want to do is sleep and not be woken up with a poke in your back.
So even though there are those few chances when morning sex completely rocks, there are also those times when you wish you were lucky enough to escape his place before he opened his eyes.