Mat Devine Offers His New Definition Of 1st, 2nd & 3rd Base
One of our fave Galore guys Mat Devine, who has offered us his tips on before, is now offering his tips and research on what the definitions of the sexual bases are these days. Times have definitely changed so here’s his hilarious take on it.
Not forgetting Mat Devine’s new record Gold Blooded was finally announced on Monday and the first single is a duet with Gerard Way from My Chemical Romance, DOPE.Check out the track below
What does “getting to 3rd base” mean to you?
The way you answer that question says a lot about your upbringing, your character, but most of all, your age. In polite company, where sexually graphic gossip about recent carnal conquests is inappropriate, it’s vital to have a solid go-to euphemism. The baseball metaphor, though antiquated, is still universally regarded as the standard.
When I was a kid, 1st base was making out.
And, while the definitions for 2nd and 3rd bases varied slightly depending on social standing and geography (there was some city-vs.-suburb, east-coast-vs.-west-coast discrepancy), everyone knew that a “home run” meant sex.
Today’s generation is a new breed of lightning-paced, attention-deficient, instant-gratification-seeking, sexually-charged folks.
When we consider that the average 12 year old these days is snorting Adderall, day trading online, and hosting blowjob parties, I think we can all agree that the old model is obsolete. I spent time polling high school and college students from across the country, and after much research, have settled on a consensus, which accurately reflects the conduct and behavior of our youth.
To wit, I offer this new model of the “bases” updated for 2014:
1st Base: Furious finger-blasting or hand jobs
2nd Base: Anal sex/orgy/gangbang
3rd Base: Marriage
Home Run: Amicable divorce