Leonardo DiCaprio Hates Everyone Right Now
Ok, so Leonardo DiCaprio is in pure hell. How many times does this guy have to kill it to get an Oscar? With all of the epic roles he has played, the man deserves a little recognition, am I right? At this point, in order to win the Oscar, he either needs to get a role as a prostitute turned murderer, a murderer turned prostitute, a paraplegic with a dark secret, or the ghost of Anne Frank. Or maybe he just needs to play a dog? Venture out of the human race and see how that goes? Someone quick get him one of these roles as soon as possible before he literally massacres the entire Academy. Just to prove how ungrateful the Academy has been, here is a brief rundown of Leo’s epic film career thus far.
Let’s start with “What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.” In 1994, 20 year old Leo was nominated for his role in the movie as Arnie, a mentally handicapped teenager. He completely slayed it. And then he lost to Tommy Lee Jones from “The Fugitive.” Hello? He played a teenager with special needs flawlessly, what the hell else could he have done to get y’alls vote, add on a stripper pole and some black tar heroin? Come on. Leo was robbed that year, but little did he know that it would happen three more goddamn times. I am seriously pissed off.
Ok, now “Romeo+Juliet.” As soon as this movie came out, thousands of teenage girls began finishing themselves off to J-14 tear-out posters of Leo’s face. He was officially hot shit. Ok, and even though he wasn’t nominated for anything for this movie, it was still a pretty amazing performance. Not surprised that he was #robbed. The next year Leo jumped on board the “Titanic” movie cast. This was when Leo fever was in full throttle. But surprise, surprise, when Oscar season rolled around, not only did he not win an award, he wasn’t even nominated. This movie was nominated for 14 awards and won 11 of them, NONE of which had anything to do with Leo’s perfect performance. Um hi, he literally froze himself in the depths of the sea, could he have at least been acknowledged? No? Alright then.
Next one, “The Aviator.” I don’t care what you say but Leo killed it in this movie as Howard Hughes. A filmmaker/pilot/person with severe OCD, what the hell do you guys want? He lost that year to Jamie Foxx for the movie “Ray” which was also amazing but come on. Apparently the drug addicted celebrity biopic beats the OCD celebrity biopic every time. In 2007 he was nominated again for “Blood Diamond” and lost to Forest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland” and was once again, you guessed it, #robbed. And then of course was robbed one more brutal time this year for “The Wolf of Wall Street.”
Guys, let’s just be real here. Whether you think he’s a douchebag in real life or not, the fact of the matter is that Leonardo DiCaprio is a talented actor. The man has played a con artist, a dude that can travel through dreams, the godamn Great Gatsby, a mid-19th century gangster, a plantation owner, and who knows who else. WHAT IN THIS GODFORSAKEN WORLD DOES LEO DICAPRIO HAVE TO DO TO WIN THIS AWARD? If he can snag a role as a time-traveling drug-addicted nun who is having an affair with the President maybe, just maybe, that little statue can soon be his. It just goes to show that while an Oscar is and always has been a true honor, there are plenty of talents who have gone under the radar year after year—and they keep on killing it with or without a gold statue to show for it. Cross your fingers for Leo next year, and as for this year, I’d like to thank the Academy for absolutely nothing.
Rula Al-Nasrawi is a Columbia Graduate whose writing has appeared in Vice, The Atlantic, and other online publications. Her first language is valley girl. Californian bred, NYC residing. @RulaOfTheWorld