7 Lame Sex Tricks Guys Think We Don’t Notice

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1. Taking Off the Condom Mid- Sex

First off, this is actually f*cked up. I hope the b*tch that you do this to has Herpes and you get them. Do you really think that we don’t realize? That we’re in such orgasmic bliss that we’re totally cool with you going bare-back the last few seconds of sex? Yeah… no.

2. When They Fake Chow

If you’re not going to go down on us, don’t try to lie about it. The reason we like getting eaten out is because the way it feels, and your callus-y fingers aren’t quite the same sensation. Can you imagine if we tried to “pretend ” to give you head? Oh wait… that actually did happen to one of our writers, sorry dude.

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3. When They’re Texting Your Friends

Unlike boys who could all be f*cking the same chick without realizing, us girls talk- a lot. If you’re hooking up with a girl, you best believe that her three best friends know the size of your cock, your favorite position, and that thing you do with your tongue.

4. When They’re Being “Nice” By Buying You Drinks All Night

Oh how kind of you good sir to purchase my vodka-sodas for the night! I’m sure it has nothing to do with the fact that you think after a certain amount of alcohol I’ll actually go home with you.

5. When They Try To “Casually” Push Your Head Down

You know those people who won’t do something when someone tells them to do it, even if they were going to do it anyways? Yeah, I’m kind of like that. I love giving head, but if you seriously try to push my head down prematurely, I could change my opinion.

6. When They Pretend To Be Asleep When You Leave

Okay, this is excusable, us girls do this too. But we literally saw you checking snapchat two seconds ago from our peripherals and now you’re acting like your passed out while I’m putting my pants on (saw you checking out my ass too, by the way).

7. When They Recite a Sob Story… To Get Laid

I’m sure you’re really broken up about the fact that your great great great great aunt died five years ago, and you really need some comforting- but I don’t think your dick in my mouth will numb the pain.

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