Jackie Schimmel On How To Make A Career Out Of Being Bitchy

Jackie Schimmel, creator of the Bitch Bible blog and podcast, tells it like it is. She’s made a career out of doing just that; touching on every aspect of celeb life in her podcast. With her tendency towards brutal honesty, I was nervous before my call with Jackie. Would she question my own pop culture beliefs and then berate me mercilessly? I shouldn’t have feared: what I found was a well spoken, thoughtful woman, quick to laugh at herself and everything around her. Read on to find out just how Jackie does what she does, the reality shows she loves to hate, and her uncensored views on Caitlyn Jenner.

Stephanie Janetos:When did you realize that you could make a career out of being bitchy?

Jackie Schimmel: When you have a limited skill set I think you just need to go with whatever your best asset is, and my best asset is being very unfiltered and bitchy. And I think that being able to capitalize on that is a great thing. And there’s a void for people my age. Everyone gives big fucks about what people think of them and what Instagram filter and what hashtag and what your contour looks like, and am I sexy, am I funny am I invited, am I fomo, or whatever the fuck it is. And I don’t care about any of that, so luckily the unpopular opinion garners the right kind of attention and the right following. Feedback has been great, people are very nice about it and it’s shocking.

So what’s a typical day in your life like?

JS: My day consists of waking up, powering through two hours of DVR even if I’ve seen everything 45 times. Then, I make out with my dog and give him positive affirmations because I don’t want him to have any anxiety issues. Then, I do a weekly TJ Maxx run, I like to buy discount candles and it helps me find solace. Then I troll Daily Mail, Huffington, BuzzFeed, all my “news” sources, and try to compile lists of funny things I want to talk about and outline what I’m going to talk about on my podcast. Then, if I’m not recording a podcast, I’m probably eating, making floral arrangements, washing my robe, and being super boring.

I loved your Joy Of Missing Out blogpost, BTW.

JS: I know! I don’t know why everyone wants to be invited places. I hate being invited places. You can only fake a relative’s death so many times to avoid plans. Sometimes you just have to say “I don’t want to come!”

So now that you’ve been pretty successful and you’re running in those covetable social circles, what has been your most cringe experience with that?

JS: My cringest experience of all time as going to a party hosted by Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran. I went with my BF, it’s not like I was invited personally,  ut I was there and I thought it was going to be so exciting but I realized how bored I was there! My main concern became the hot appetizers, tracking this Bleu Cheese slider. Because everyone was so well behaved and wholesome and air-kissy, and I just didn’t blend in. Everyone was listening to top 40, and just “OMG!” I was kind of like, is anything real here? It was just famous people taking pictures with other famous people, that was the whole shtick. I was the only person eating, the only person drinking.

Have you ever been confronted for something you said on a podcast or said on your blog?

JS: I’ve been blocked on Twitter by quite a few people, but other than that, no one’s really ever said anything to me. Because when confronted I will defend myself, and I think people are a little scared of me, which is exactly where I want them to be. I try not to apologize for anything unless I feel like I made a mistake. So I only say something when I mean it, and once it’s out in the universe, no apologies.

Favorite drink?

JS: Hands down a dirty martini, a barely dirty martini with Grey Goose, light vermouth, and I like a layer of ice chips on the top. With, a bleu cheese stuffed olive if I’m going crazy.

Go-to brunch order?

JS: I love shakshuka, which is this Middle Eastern recipe with tomatoes and garlic bread. And, since I’m an LA Jew, I live for bagel and lox.

Reality show you love to hate?

JS: I love to love almost every reality show. But Vanderpump Rules is an emotional rollercoaster. I used to be embarrassed about it because it’s so horrifying, but it’s so good that if you can live vicariously through it for 30 minutes a week it makes you feel better abut yourself. You don’t need therapy when you have reality TV.

What upcoming releases are you looking forward to?

JS: I’m so excited for the Bachelor to come back, because that is is the ultimate shit show. I’m also excited for sisters to come out, because I love female driven comedies. I’m kind of excited for Girls, though it got a little dark for me. It’s gotten a little femme-y for me, and there are causes pushing storylines, which isn’t my favorite. I’m also so excited for Broad City to come back! That show is my jam, it’s so genius and I want those girls to be my best friends.

What trends do you wish would die and never come back?

JS: We could be here all day, but I’m really not into the grungy/ homeless thing. I hate tattoo chokers, I wore one on the school bus in 2nd grade and it brings me back to my awkward stage which I don’t want to relive. I’m over the whole “I don’t give a shit” thing. Like, I put time in, and I want people to know! A little effort goes a long way.

Have you been watching the new season of the Kardashians?

JS: I hate to say this, because not watching KUWTK is the only thing that makes me kind of intellectual, but TBH I’ve started watching it. Live for the new intro, and I live in Calabassas, so I’m in the hood, and it’s kind of like watching a train wreck. I love Kris Jenner, and I wish I was born out of her. They hit the genetic jackpot.

Is Kris your favorite Kardashian?

JS: Yep! I only don’t like Caitlyn. I think people are afraid to say that; I don’t have any prejudices but I think she’s kind of an asshole.

Yeah, I think that’s becoming a more common sentiment. Like people appreciate her public transition but her views aren’t really how the trans community wants to be represented.

JS: Exactly!  Everyone’s so afraid to say it, but I think I’m the pioneer of saying Caitlyn Jenner is an asshole. At first, everyone got mad at me, but now people are coming around!

On that note, is there anything you’d like to leave our readers with?

JS: We have two podcasts coming out, Kristen Dowdy from Vanderpump Rules and we have insight on cyberstalking your boyfriend efficiently and James Kennedy, and next week we have Heather Dubro on the Dr. Shimmel episode, we talk about a lot of life issues.

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