Why Hookups On The First Date Never Makes For A Relationship
Girls may seem to do things in the dating world a little backwards sometimes. If we meet a hot, stoner dude with dreads at the bar, we’ll probably hookup with that night. If we meet a sexy lawyer with a trust-fund who loves Arctic Monkeys as much as we do? We’ll probably make him wait weeks until we let him hit it.
To a man, or a less experienced woman, this method might not make any sense. Why do we sleep with the loser dudes before we sleep with the successful ones? Are we scared of falling for the right guy? Or, are we trying to keep the second dude by showing him that we’re not easy, because real men want a “proper girl?” Neither answers are correct. In fact, we’re trying to prevent ourselves from catching SRS.
What’s SRS? A deadly STI carried by attractive men? No, it’s short for Sudden Repulsion Syndrome, and while you may not have heard of it, you’ve probably experienced it.
Let’s set the scene:
You’ve just matched with a hottie on Tinder who couldn’t be anymore your type. He’s 6’3, plays the drums for a metal band, and bangs like a wild animal. Immediately after meeting up, you two can’t keep your hands off of each other. You want to spend every night with him the following week, and you nearly do. Then, suddenly you notice that among his full sleeve of tattoos, he has one tattoo of a cat. You hate cats, and all of a sudden, you realize that he’s drinking tea in the morning after crazy hanky panky. You hate tea too, and suddenly, you simply hate him and don’t even know what you liked about him in the first place.
This is Sudden Repulsion Syndrome, and Urban Dictionary Defines it as:
A condition many people experience after dating an individual for a short amount of time. The individual is probably polite, nice, and generally pleasant to be around, but one day, you suddenly find yourself disgusted by his or her appearance. You cannot ever see yourself establishing a physical relationship with this individual, and when you imagine it, you vomit in your mouth a little. The consequence of SRS is that you end up feeling as though you must break it off immediately.
But SRS isn’t random, or unavoidable, it’s actually caused by something that you’re doing wrong, rather than your significant other. In her research on the subject, Karley Sciortino found that one of the reasons SRS is affecting us is because we are all jumping into bed too quickly. Her friend explained that “The way to avoid SRS is to approach dating in a balanced way. My therapist told me it’s like this: You meet someone who you like, but you don’t get it on with them right away. You wait three days to call them, and you make plans for the following week. Again, you don’t them, and then you make plans for a week after that. And then a month down the line, you can finally do it. This way you don’t burn out.”
You may think this is a load of BS, I mean, why can’t we sleep people as soon as we decide we are attracted to them? But, think about your past successful relationships. How many of them resulted from hookups upon first meeting? In fact, if anyone suffers (or benefits) the most from SRS, it’s probably dudes. They can be obsessed with a girl for weeks on end, but once they finally get her into bed, they’re over it and you’re left wondering what you did wrong that turned him away so quickly.
At the end of the day, it’s never healthy to be so physically obsessed with another human being, because they’re never going to be able to live up to your expectations. Instead of letting a guy inside of you and then clinging on for dear life, see if you can actually enjoy hanging out with a guy before sleeping with him. Once you both establish a comfortable foundation, feel free to get your freak on like animals all you want. But if you’re going to go around falling in love at first hookup, don’t be surprised when you’re suddenly appalled at the sight of your partner.
Photo courtesy of reporter.mk