Is There A Double Standard When It Comes To Giving Head?
Until recently, it seemed like eating pussy wasn’t something that dudes discussed. Much like how female sexuality has been hidden behind closed doors for the remainder of our history, oral sex for women was simply pushed under the rug. Thankfully, with our generation’s ever increasing casual attitude towards sex, we can finally talk about eating a chick out. Dudes can chat up their bros about techniques to make a girl go crazy, and you can find a plethora of memes and tacky t-shirts with slogans such as “TREAT YOUR GIRL RIGHT.” However, that doesn’t mean us ladies have shed the double standard when it comes to head. We might be talking about it more, but does that mean we’re getting it more? We had a feeling the answer was no. I mean c’mon, no guy wants a hand job, right? But fingering a girl instead of going down on her is still perfectly acceptable in most circumstances. We surveyed 50 guys and 50 girls aged 18-25 who identified as straight to see what the deal was.
Out of the survey participants, 20% identified as having casual hook-ups “all the time” while 63% identified as having casual hook-ups “occasionally.” While male participants identified slightly higher in casual hook-ups, (23% said “all the time” as opposed to 18% of females), the numbers were pretty similar. Not to mention the fact that there weren’t strict numbers as to what qualified as “all the time” vs. “occasionally.” While a girl might consider her two casual hook-ups every weekend as occasional, a dude might consider this all the time.
When asked if they give head in a casual hook-up, the majority (48%) of males said yes. However, when asking the females if they give or receive head more, 61% said that they definitely give head more than they receive head. Furthermore, only 27% of males said that they give head more than they receive head. Clearly, as tends to be typical with guys, they seem to have a lot of nice words that they don’t follow through on.
So why are girls giving head more than guys? When asked to explain why they wouldn’t give head on the first hook-up, guys said responses such as “I don’t know the person well enough” or “I don’t like going down on girls I just met.” Okay boys, fair enough, but if you’re not comfortable with a girl you don’t know well, why are you hooking up with her in the first place?
A larger amount of guys said that “it depends on the situation” in regards to their choice whether to go down on a girl. Their responses revolved around “only if she goes first and it’s good” and “depends on how drunk I am or how much I like/know the person.”
In terms of the ladies, the majority of us said that it depends on the situation. And honestly, did you expect anything else from girls? A guy’s chance of getting us into bed depend on literally his every move, we’re that calculating. However, for the girls that said “yes,” their responses were a bit different from the dudes:
“I feel like its expected.”
“It’s a way to keep your body count low.”
“Yes, because it’s first step before having sex.”
Girl’s responses seemed even more to back the theory that giving head to a guy is completely expected, and if a casual hook-up had a step-by-step guide, giving a blowjob would be the last step before sex. So where do girl’s pleasure get factored in?
Other comments garnered from female respondents in the survey also showed trends that ladies are fed up with this head-double standard:
“Guys are starting to understand that head should be reciprocated, but most think they can get away with a few shoddy thrusts of their fingers while they struggle to find your clitoris, and that’s not cool.”
“Guys expect head, but rarely return the favor.”
“I’d definitely say I give head more than receive, but when it comes to repeat hookups it evens out. Guys I’ve hooked up with have been more reluctant to go down on girls the first time.”
“Guys need to learn how to eat a girl out correctly… can they please make classes for that?”
These girls have a point. Are dudes going to start getting the memo that we need even more foreplay than they do? Are they only going to start going down on us more once they properly learn how to eat a chick out? Is this just another realm of life where guys have high expectations from women when they don’t return the favor?
Granted, I have heard from some men (within the survey and in daily life) that some girl’s aren’t comfortable getting eaten out by a casual hook-up. A survey respondent confided “I don’t like it when random hook ups give me head, it feels almost more personal to me than sex.” This, I can understand, our lady bits are personal. But, let me pose the same question I posed to the dudes who weren’t comfortable eating box on a first encounter: If you’re not comfortable enough with a dude to let him lick your vagina, why are you comfortable sucking his dick?!
Another trend noted in the survey is that many young adults are concerned about STI’s when giving (or receiving) head from a random partner. It’s nice to know that while our generation is tinder-ing away and hopping into bed’s with people who’s names they don’t know, they’re at least still concerned about staying safe.
While there are plenty of guys who I’m sure are the gods of eating pussy and do it often, there are also going to always be the dudes that think their pleasure is the only important part of a hook-up, and that their lame “fingering” attempts are good enough to get you to f*ck him. Maybe instead of trying to teach these types of guys, we should just stop hooking up with them?
The more comfortable we are with our bodies, the better sex will be. While random hook-ups can be awkward for everyone (I mean, hell, you’re basically fondling around naked with a stranger), if you’re not satisfied, maybe you shouldn’t be having them. If you feel that you deserve some tongue-loving down there and your dude isn’t giving it, maybe pull a boy-move and push his head down there? It seems to work for men…not. In all seriousness, you should feel comfortable asking your partner to eat you out if you’re comfortable enough to get into bed with him.