Is Sperm a Superfood?

Let’s be real. With all the Christmas cookies, honey-baked ham, and hot cocoa you’re ingesting this winter, you’re not exactly counting calories. But, every time you swallow a mouthful of salty sperm, you wonder to yourself; “So, like, is this my sodium intake for the day or what?” Your man also may make jokes post-morning head about how you’ve, “got your protein intake for the morning” (or some other ridiculous dude joke). So what are you really taking in when you swallow a load? A girl’s gotta know.

First off, semen is only one percent sperm, which may surprise you. What does the rest of the sticky substance consist of? Well, vitamins and minerals, of course!

Semen is laden with vitamin C, calcium, chlorine, citric acid, fructose, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc. Maybe you can just suck a dick a day instead of taking a multivitamin?

Just kidding, you’re likely only swallowing about a teaspoon, give or take (unless you’re hooking up with some sperm-shooting wonderboy), so no vitamins are really going to affect you that much. Plus, the amount of vitamins and minerals vary on the source (aka the dude) that is shooting the sperm. It varies based on age, health, weight, etc.

Other than the small amount of vitamins and minerals, semen contains between five and 25 calories, which is about the same caloric value as a handful of spinach. Semen is certainly not going to ruin your diet, unless you’re sucking 100 dicks a day, and even then it won’t be more caloric than a full meal at Chipotle.

But, if you seriously need an excuse not to swallow, just ask your dude to bust on your tits or your face instead. I’m sure he won’t mind some target practice, not to mention that I’ve heard semen works wonders on the skin.

Photo via Comic Vine

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