Is it cheating if you’re not together?

It’s the ever dreaded question when you’ve been seeing a guy for a while:

“So, you and Matt… are you guys, like, dating?”

“Well… we go on dates? But he’s not like my boyfriend. We’re just talking, we’re a thing.”

I’m pretty sure if you tried to explain this logic to your grandfather he would laugh in your face.

How long are you a “thing” with someone before you actually have the official bf/gf status? Who knows? Sometimes he’ll ask you to be his boo within a couple months, sometimes you wait five months and end up forcing the “what are we?” talk upon him. Sometimes, you never actually end up dating and you realize you’ve been wasting your time on an jerk that would never make a good boyfriend.


The problem with no labels, is that there are (technically) no rules. So where do you draw the line? No girl wants to be that annoying Taylor Swift type chick who springs the “what are we?” talk after one make-out session, but you also don’t want to feel like a fool when you find out the guy you thought was into you was actually sexting five of your sorority sisters.

Contrary to popular belief, it’s not just the girls who are getting confused by this whole 21st century “dating” thing. It’s the guys too.

Recently, a guy wrote to me about an issue he had with a girl he was seeing.

So me and this girl were “dating.” Even though nothing was established verbally, it was implied based on the conversations we had and things we did and planned. We’d been seeing each other for about a month, and I thought it was getting serious because she was planning things for us such as trips to the beach, events, and even invited me to go to NYC with her for a work conference. We went on double dates, I met her sister. We hadn’t had intercourse yet, because I killed joy myself by not having a condom (which I realize you have written about). After a drunk fight, she told me she was hooking up with another dude in the background. I didn’t know if I should keep seeing her after that, and things got kind of weird. 

My question for this guy was if she knew he wasn’t hooking up with other girls behind her back, and he said no, they never discussed this. So…what’s a girl to do?

Unfortunately for the ladies, when we start liking a dude, we feel that we have two options.

a) Stop contacting all our booty calls, boy toys, etc, because we think he may be potential boyfriend material and don’t want to bother with other guys.

b) Continue talking to all other guys in our life until the dude officially asks us to be his girlfriend, because who knows if he’s as into us as we think?

Is there a “right” answer? Of course not. Either way, you have the chance of screwing yourself over in the end. Like everything else in life, it’s all about balance. If you really like a guy, you shouldn’t want to be hooking up with a different dude every night. But at the same time, if a member of One Direction asks you out, you should certainly not decline. On the reverse side, if a guy is really into you, he should step up and let you know that you’re the only one he wants. To quote one of the best relationship advice movies there is, “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a care, he genuinely doesn’t give a care. No exceptions.”

Gimme More Sex + Dating

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