How To Tell Your Boyfriend You’re Gay

It’s an unfortunate situation, but it’s happened before.Despite the plethora of narratives suggesting that everyone knows their gay from the minute they can remember having conscious thought, lots of people realize they’re gay later in life. Take for instance, real life couple Samira Wiley and her girlfriend, Lauren Morelli. Morelli was a seemingly happily married straight girl who was writing for Orange is the New Black, when she realized (probably not long after seeing Wiley beautiful face) that she was in fact, a lesbian. How do you tell someone you care about and don’t want to hurt that you actually just aren’t playing for their team?

Be straightforward

Don’t try and explain the inner workings of your brain and how you thought you loved him but then you saw Ruby Rose’s face and everything changed. Just flat out tell your boyfriend “I’m gay” and let that sink in. Any sort of extended explanation will probably only confuse him more and upset him. If he has questions, answer them politely and with the understanding that he’s probably really heartbroken right now. But, don’t let him try and talk you out of your “gayness” (I only say this because it’s happened before). You’re gay. You know it, now he knows it, and it’s time for your relationship to end.

Don’t field any “So all those times we had sex…?” questions 

It’s not impossible to enjoy sex with a dude when you think you’re straight. Or to convince yourself that it’s what you like. But once you know you’re not straight, you just know, and you realize that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you actually want at all. So cut him off when he tries to talk about all the great times the two of you had in bed. Maybe they were great for him, because that’s the only point of reference he has. Maybe they were great for you in the moment. But the bottom line is, they aren’t great for you anymore.

Be compassionate but don’t feel guilty 

It’s no one’s fault that you realized you were gay this late in the game. It’s no one’s fault that you thought you were straight for an entire decade and then some. Well, actually, it’s probably compulsory heterosexuality’s fault and the lack of room you had to explore your gay feelings but that’s a gender studies class not a conversation you want to have with your boyfriend when you’re breaking up with him. Unless it is, in which case, go ahead. But above all, don’t let your soon to be ex try and guilt you or blame you for your untimely awakening to your sexual orientation. Lots of people don’t realize they’re gay until they’ve already had three children who are grown. In comparison to that, you’re stepping out of the closet quite early.

Don’t feel bad about finding happiness with your new gay relationship(s)

You can’t constantly put someone else’s feeling above your own. If you’re happier than ever in your new gay relationships, feel free to express that and show it. If your (now) ex boyfriend really cares about you, he should be happy that you’re happy.



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