How To Really Scare a 20-Something Girl on Halloween
If you’re a 20-something year old girl, there’s a good chance you love Halloween as much as I do. You love an excuse to go out in your favorite American Apparel bodysuit (and no pants), you freak out over anything pumpkin flavored, and anything with skulls on it is adorable. You’re way too old to be scared of ghost stories, Ouija boards, and cheesy horror flicks. But, if someone did want to scare you this Halloween, all they would have to do is bring up one of these….
If there was a 2015 equivalent to the bubonic plague, this would be it. No matter how hard we try, we keep catching them, and every time it nearly kills us. Things were way easier when boys had cooties…or at least before Tinder was invented.
It’s kind of like the monster in our closet. We pretend it doesn’t exist when we’re filling up our shopping cart during class on Nastygal, but we know that eventually we’re going to have to face it…and when we do, it’s not going to be pretty.
Everytime we try to act like a real human being, it feels like we’re putting on a mask. Like seriously, waking up before 11 am? Only drinking on weekends? Buying wine that comes in a bottle rather than a box? These concepts are still very foreign to us, and we’d prefer to only have to act like adults on October 31st.
Receiving the text “Can I Ask You a Question?”
As soon as this text is opened, every girl racks her brain for every single thing she’s done wrong in the last six months. Does he know that I made out with his best friend freshman year? Is he going to ask if we can see other people? Did he find my tampon wrapper in his trash can? The possibilities are endless and equally horrifying.
Being screen-shot on snapchat
The only thing more evil than being screen shot on snapchat, is being screen shot when you don’t remember what you sent. Did you drunkenly send a titty pic? Or did you snap an embarrassing video of you singing karaoke to “It’s Raining Men?” While the resulting snap can be used for good (masturbation purposes) or evil (public shaming), it’s generally the latter.
Dates are still a foreign concept to most of us, especially dates that don ‘t involve multiple cocktails. What the hell are we supposed to wear? Is it okay to go home with a guy on a first date? What do we order that says “I’m not anorexic, but I’m also not a fatass?”