True American Is The Best Way To Get Your 4th Of July Drunk On

Every year on the 4th of July, we gather together as a country to celebrate the day that our fledgling ragtag nation became legit. Regardless of how you may feel about our country’s current political climate, chances are you love the 4th of July, and why wouldn’t you? Any day that’s an excuse to hang out with your friends, tan, barbecue, get drunk, and watch some fireworks is a good day. But instead of spending all day just hanging out with your friends, talking about the same shit you always talk about, why not band together and play the most patriotic drinking game in existence: True American aka that game from The New Girl

Here’s a few things you need to know:

The goal of True American (besides getting wasted) is to navigate your way to a castle made of one bottle of booze (better known as the King) and a plethora of beer (otherwise known as the soldiers of the secret order of un-Americanness).

Players will take turns trying to win moves in order to navigate their way through a web of tables, chairs and cushions, in order to make their way in a clockwise fashion to the center of the room where all alcohol lives.  Two or more players can occupy the same space at the same time.

Whenever you make it to the castle, you get to take a beer. You must always have one beer in your hand, but you can never have more than three at a time.

Once all the beers are gone, the first player to make it back to the castle, finish their beer and take a sip of booze (aka overthrow the monarchy) is declared the winner.

Oh, and you can’t step on the floor because it’s really molten lava.

 Got all that?  Good.  Now, here’s how to play:

1. Get your booze together – make sure you have enough beer so that everybody playing can get thoroughly drunk.
2. Set up your playing space to look more or less exactly like this:

3. To determine which player gets to move first, all players must engage in a friendly shotgun competition.  The first player to successfully finish their beer, wins and has the honor of yelling “One, Two, Three, JFK” to which all players must respond “RFK”, grab a pawn from the castle and retreat to any available space on the board.

4. After moving one space, the winner gets to choose between three options to determine who gets to move next:
a. The Count: all players yell “one, two, three” and then hold a number of fingers between one and five against their foreheads.  Anyone holding a number that no one else has chosen wins.  Winners may move one space forward.
b. Complete a Quote: the player must slowly start delivering a line from history or pop culture and the first player(s) that can jump in and complete the quote in tandem win.  All winners may move two spaces ahead.
c. Something In Common: the player yells out two people, places or things.  Any other player that can reply with what these two things have in common wins.  Winners may move three spots forward.

If you are caught without a beer, or with only an empty beer, you lose.  If you step in molten laval, you lose.  To enter back into the game, drink one full beer.

Happy 4th of July, patriots.


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