How to pair your favorite junk foods with wine
Wine is best enjoyed with good food, really any good food. And since millennials have developed a seemingly universal obsession wine, enjoying the stuff has become far less snooty.
I think waiters have even become use to hearing generic wine orders like: “I’ll take your cheapest glass of white wine.” Or “Anything sweet will do.” Or “I’ll have a glass of alcohol, please.” (JK on that last one.)
If I’m truly being honest with you, wine doesn’t really go with junk food, but it’s 2017 and we do what we want.
So, just because wine isn’t necessarily intended for guilty pleasure foods, doesn’t mean you can’t try to find harmonious pairings.
All you have to do is follow the general food pairing guidelines with a little twist. A less elegant twist, but certainly a fun one.
READ ALSO: You can now get drunk in public on $1 canned wine
Riesling
Rieslings are typically a variation of dry and sweet at the same time.
These wines pair best with lime flavored foods, which sounds limiting, but it’s far from it. This means hot Cheetos with lime or some variation of lime chips.
Lime is used in a lot of Asian dishes as well. Whip out the chopsticks your friend who studied abroad bought you and order some pad thai.
Chardonnay
Chardonnay goes great with veggies.
When it comes to indulgent eating, this drink is perfect for pairing with faux junk foods like veggie chips or squash pasta. Perfect for mindless snacking because it won’t negate a gym session — or it least it shouldn’t.
I HIGHLY recommend cauliflower tater tots if you’re looking to trick yourself into being healthy while binge snacking and guzzling a glass of char.
Rosé
Dry rosé goes great with cheeses, like goat cheese and gouda. So, why not nacho cheese? I recommend really any food with cheese as a main ingredient for rosé: quesadillas, mac n cheese, mozzarella sticks, etc.
Or even spray cheese directly from the can, if you’re having one of THOSE nights.
If the rosé is on the sweeter side, maybe go for a zesty or spicier cheesy option.
READ ALSO: 7 cheap wines that actually taste good
Pinot grigio
Pinot grigio pairs best with grilled chicken or a light pasta.
This leads me to believe it will go with the I’m-not-counting-calories versions of these items. Like takeout sushi or fried chicken tenders. Creamy foods are also a good match for this white.
Think thick soups, custards, or maybe even a McFlurry.
Merlot
There’s a generic wine rule that says red wines pair with red sauce pastas, like spaghetti. Merlot, specifically, is a red that pairs especially well with marinara sauce.
You know what also has marinara sauce? Pizza!
So, if you are having wine and pizza night, go for a merlot. Honestly, any red wine would probably work as well.
Cabernet sauvignon
Stacks on stacks of dark chocolate Hershey’s should couple beautifully with a cabernet sauvignon.
Typically, reds go with chocolates of any kind, but if you want to get specific with it: combine the cab sauv and dark chocolate.
Also, pro tip: red wine is perfect for spiking your hot cocoa. It’s a real thing.
If you’re not feeling sweets, garlic foods are a quality choice as well. Garlic bread for the win!
Moscato
Sour straws, belts, gummies, etc. Really any variation of sour foods is going to go best with moscato, which is basically spiked grape juice. It is extremely sweet, so sweet that most people tend to move away from the drink as they get older. But hey, you’re eating junk food anyway, so who cares?
Really any sweet wine is good with sour and sweet candy. So, if you’re feeling nerds, sour worms or even rainbow sherbet ice cream, grab a bottle of moscato or a sweet white zinfandel.
READ ALSO: These fast food items are lower in cals than “healthy” choices
Champagne
Champagne is perfect for celebrating birthdays, job promotions, and especially the arrival of 90’s TV series to Netflix from the comfort of your own couch.
Salty foods pair with bubbly wines. This means french fries, pretzels, and your tears (lol) will create a match made in heaven (that’s what I call the TV room).
Go ahead, pop open a bottle and throw on your comfiest fashion sweats because with all those bubbles and salt, the bloat is inevitable. Sorry.
For real though, as long as it doesn’t taste horribly you can drink any wine with whatever you want and however you want.
