How To Heal From A Break-Up Using Beyonce Videos
It’s over. Everything has been said, the arguing has subsided and the break up sex has been had. Now there is nothing and you feel empty. Until you start filling with pain. Intense, grueling pain that is running through the blood in your veins as your broken heart pours out emotions. STOP! STOP! STOP!
Yes it’s over. Yes it sucks. And yes, it f***ing hurts. But it’s time to stop acting like a walking Adele song and start the healing and there is only one person who will get you back on track. Right now – whether you’re a man or a woman – Beyonce will guide you through.
Stage One: Heartbreak.
Time to let it out. When getting over something you’ve got to go right back to the beginning. Way back… to when Beyonce was in Destiny’s Child.
Break ups are painful. Especially when you realise now it’s all over: “there’s nobody left in this world to hold me tight, nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight”
SOB! Let it all out girlfriend. Beyonce, Kelly and the other one are there for you.
Stage Two: Denial
I know it’s hard. I know you want him back. But – as Bey would say – it’s time to face the facts: it’s time to start realising how much of a tool your ex is. This song will help you get to the next – very important – stage of the Beyonce Break Up Program.
“I been through this too long/But I’ll be damned if I see another chick on your arm”
Think about how pig headed, selfish and stupid he is… his annoying laugh… his adorable smile… how good he smells… No! Remember he’s a penis, he’s a dick and most importantly…he’s a penis. Now you’re ready for stage three.
Stage Three: Anger
If you’re feeling angry, it’s fine. You’re allowed to feel angry. Just pour yourself a glass of wine and belt out:
“I can have another you in a minute/Matter of fact, he’ll be here in a minute”
Who cares if the lyrics are a bit crap. Sing it loud and sing it proud… but if you’re hammered… try not to call your ex up and sing it to his voicemail.
It’s not a good look, especially as the chances of another him getting to you in a minute or less are unlikely… not in this traffic.
Stage 4: Depression
This is the hard part. This is where obsession comes into it, could you have done any more? Can you win them back, STOP!
Why don’t you love me?/Tell me, baby, why don’t you love me/When I make me so damn easy to love?
Answer? Because he’s a penis…remember? NEXT!
Stage 5: Bargaining
Trying to make sense of it all. This is where you start trying to work out if you can change yourself to win him back. Well don’t. You’re amazing. Beyonce says so and you should trust Beyonce, after all this is the woman who managed to survive growing up with Solange! You don’t need to change. Replace this mentality by thinking about yourself in his shoes…
If I were a boy/I think I could understand/How it feels to love a girl/I swear I’d be a better man.
Boys are stupid. You’re incredible. In fact you’re the best. And if he doesn’t want to recognise that – just set Solange on him. See? Now we’re getting somewhere.
Stage 6: Empowerment
Yes! The best part of the Beyonce Break Up Programme.
You’re ready to put on your camouflage, war paint and tie a bandana or scarf around your head and put this on your nearest ghetto blaster on full volume… yes I said ghetto blaster.
Now that you’re out of my life/I’m so much better/You thought that I’d be weak without you/But I’m stronger
That’s the spirit!
Stage 7: Acceptance
No matter how shitty you feel, thanks to the Beyonce Break Up Programme one morning you’ll wake up feeling AMAZING. It’s been a long hard road to recovery. But you’re back and stronger than ever. And what better way to celebrate than taking a strut into the great outdoors with this banging tune playing in your headphones:
I bet it sucks to be you right now
By now that idiot will have realised how f***ing awesome you are – but you ain’t caring. So yeah, it really does suck to be him right now. Haha!
Don’t worry, once you’ve completed the Beyonce Break Up Programme, Bey’s still got your back. You’re now a free agent, heartache-free and ready to party… you go girl.
All together now!
Lexi Rose is a writer based in London, but actually has multiple professions including being an expert in how to maintain a relationships in different environments and getting rid of guys that are obsessed with you. Follow her @MissLexiRose and read her tumblr here.