How To Bring A Guy Home For The Holidays
No matter how much we pretend to be annoyed or pretend that we don’t care, we secretly love taking a dude home for the holidays.
After all, it’s nice to show off our boo to envious siblings, and it’s a relief to not have to answer endless questions from Grandma about “when we’re going to find a nice young man.”
It’s also sweet to have some entertainment over winter break, considering we usually spend it in our high school bedroom watching Netflix every hour that we’re not at a family function. We also usually have to (sadly) be celibate while home for the holidays. That is, unless we decide to give it another go with our high school ex, and that never ends well.
Unfortunately, as romanticized as being home for the holidays with your boo might be, it’s never as idyllic in reality.
First off, you’re still staying in your parent’s house. That cozy, by the fire sex while snow falls down that you’re fantasizing about? You’re probably going to have to plan your sexcapades around the rest of your entire family to ensure that your little cousin doesn’t wander into your room while you’re on all fours.
How about the showing him off to your family part of things? If you’ve got a nice, normal family, I’m sure this is great. But, who the hell has a “normal” family? Does that even exist? Introducing a guy to your entire, crazy, loud family can be a nightmare. You barely have time to warn him before your drunk aunt is suddenly calling him “Magic Mike” and your dad is loudly whispering about how he liked your ex-boyfriend better.
While this process can be embarrassing as hell, it can also tell a lot about the future of your relationship. If your man can handle talking to your grandma about WWII for an entire hour? He’s a keeper (for now, anyways). Either his family is even crazier than yours, or he actually really likes you and doesn’t mind dodging glares from your judgmental Uncle while being force-fed baklava from your grandfather.
That being said, it doesn’t hurt to warn him before letting him descend into the black hole that is one of your family gatherings.
Gently prepare him for the fact that your Dad will probably ask about the extent of his entire future plans down to his 401k and let him know that your family loves fish so it would be great if he could pretend that he doesn’t hate seafood for just one weekend. Additionally, let him know what to bring for your family. If your dad loves gin? Have him pick up a bottle of Bombay Sapphire to impress him. If your mom loves lilies? Have him pick up some of those too. If your family is planning on buying him a legit gift, please let him know in advance so that he can reciprocate. I’ll never forget the time my boyfriend told me his mom got me “something small” and I ended up with a designer wallet after only bringing her flowers.
At the end of the day, no matter how much of a trooper your man is, trying to introduce someone else within the tight knit (or loose knit) bonds of your family can be tough and awkward. Just because your sister is bringing home her new boyfriend for the holidays does not mean that you should suddenly have the “what are we?” talk with your fuck-buddy to try to secure him for Christmas Eve.
As much as we all hate to think of something as serious as marriage while we’re Tindering our lives away, you really don’t need to feel obligated to bring your significant other home unless you see you two being serious years into the future. With all the busyness and nonsense that goes on daily in our lives, sometimes it’s nice to just sit back and relax (or freak out) with the family.
Besides, it’s so much easier to get discreetly drunk at Christmas dinner when you’re rolling solo.