5 Inevitable Hook-Ups Of Memorial Day Weekend

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1. The Old “Friend”

You only really get 3-4 days for Memorial Day Weekend, and it’s impossible to hang out with everyone. While it’s nice that your high school friends are all trying to meet up, you need to accept that half of these half-hearted plans are going to fall through. It’s awkwardly adorable that your 10th grade prom date keeps asking which beach bar you’re headed to tonight…so adorable that you’re probably just going to “forget” to respond.

2. The Summer Fling

Remember when your mother had to tear you away in late August from the boy that you met at the boardwalk whom you swore was your Nicholas Sparks romance waiting to happen? Yeah, me too. While the eighth grader in you went goo-goo over the nights spent making out on a deserted playground, you’ve grown up. Although your summer romance turned out to age pretty nicely (damn, he finally got those braces off!), some things are meant to stay in the past.

3. The Guido

You almost forgot that Jersey Shore was a thing until you actually went to the shore. Can we please leave spiked hair and tribal tattoos back in 2008? Nevertheless, he somehow has enough cash to keep buying you dirty bananas all day at Seacrets, and he does clearly have the gym part of GTL down pat.

4. The Idiot

Oh my god! A sexy ass guy came up to you at the beach bar! While in the midst of congratulating yourself for actually sticking to your juice cleanse and looking killer in your new Minimale Animale bikini, you realize that this guy might have the IQ of a fifth grader (or worse). You remember that you weren’t searching for your husband in AC anyways, but after the third misspelled word in a row via text message, you realize it’s not worth it.

5. The DILF

The thing about going out on MDW is that there’s a huge range of ages at the bar. Somehow while navigating through a sea of frat boys who probably used fake IDs, you end up at the bar with a guy who may or may not be the age of your dad. He is cute though, right? Or at least your third mojito says so. As he creepily rubs his hand on your ass, you wonder if he would be down to pay off your student loans. Then, your friend makes the “what the f are you doing” eyes at you from across the bar and you realize you’re not that desperate for a sugar daddy.

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