Honesty Ruins All My Friendships
I notice various themes with my life. One trend in plenty of my friendships is keeping it real. Now I can be the devil on your shoulder, but I also can be the angel. When I feel like someone I care about is getting out of control, I don’t sugar coat things. I tell it like it is. Not to be condescending or judgmental, but so my friends can see their decisions in a different light. And I expect them to do the same thing for me. In my mind, if you love me, you’d keep me in check.
Some of my friends don’t like to keep it real with me because they feel I will judge them. Which sucks sometimes because I don’t say “You’re a whore” or “You’re stupid for doing x,y and z”. It’s like I’m mom and they’re scared to tell me that they failed their math test. I’ll say, “Why didn’t you tell me about that?” and they say “I don’t know”. But, they do know. I’ve lost friends because I didn’t sugar coat everything. I didn’t say, “Yes girl that’s awesome that you have random unprotected sex with strangers”. I’d rather tell you about the diseases you could catch and how you should slow your roll. Or “And yeah it’s totally okay that you’re becoming dependent on drugs”. I’d rather force you to watch intervention and let you know that you aren’t invincible and you could end up just like them.
What people need to understand is, good friends can build you up but when we try and share our wisdom we’re not trying to tear you down. A good friend isn’t going to agree with everything you say, like everything you wear or say every decision you make is a good one. Good friends will look at situations even when you aren’t seeing them clearly and try to give input on what we think is best because we care. If the guy you’re seeing is treating you like a doormat, we’re going to tell you. If you’re over-using drugs, we’re going to ask you to stop. If you’re becoming a complete slacker, we’re going to say “Hey! What the fuck are you doing with your life?”. It’s not to hurt you, but to bring things to your attention. Good friends are NOT yes men.