Is There Such Thing As A Bad Vagina? A Guy’s Take On Your V’s Aesthetics

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As pornography has gotten more and more accessible (and free), and pubic hair fashion is getting shorter and shorter, some women have begun to obsess over the aesthetics of their vaginas – likely more than they ever have before in human history. In fact, most doctors link the meteoric rise of labiaplasty surgery, hymen reconstruction, & other “designer vagina procedures” over the past decade, directly to the rise of porn – the quest for the “ideal,” generic porn star vag. Further fueling the problem, some women may have also heard men joking among themselves about so called “bad vaginas,”  and the traits commonly associated with them.

So what exactly do guys consider the ideal vagina?  Which do they consider bad? And furthermore, does it matter?  Well, before you run off to the Build-a-Vag workshop to have Dr. Dan surgically create what you MIGHT think is the perfect pussy, I’m going to address some of the specific questions and concerns girls have asked me about their lady bits. I’ll try to be as brutally honest as possible, so you can really understand what’s going through a guy’s head when it comes to vaginal aesthetics.

1. Will he think I’m loose? 

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This is one of the biggest concerns some women have.  Ironically, it’s also probably the one guys care about the least.  Historically, the term “loose” has been negatively associated with promiscuity.  However, in reality, as you probably already know, the tightness of your vag has very little to do with how many guys you’ve been with. Perceived tightness is at least 50% dependent on the guy – relative to his own size and any previous partners he’s comparing to; the other 50% is dependent on your genetics, hormones, level of arousal, how relaxed you are, age, & a variety of other factors.  Sparing you the full anatomy lesson, if you’re not that into the guy, aren’t very aroused, & aren’t feeling relaxed, you’re probably going to tighten up. If you’re super turned on, and with your boyfriend you’ve slept with dozens of times, it’s probably going to slide in a bit easier. Lastly, as women age, or following child birth, naturally occurring fatigue of the vaginal muscles may make it feel looser. That being said, the only real link to promiscuity is the fact that more sexually experienced women may be more relaxed in the bedroom, releasing tension on the vaginal muscles and making penetration slightly easier for the guy.

Ok, enough of the anatomy, you’re wondering if guys actually care about it.  The short answer is, not really, but it depends. I can’t deny that a tight squeeze around our dicks can feel amazing, but in my own experience, I’ve found girls being “too tight” to be way more of a concern than them being “too loose”.  I’ve had more than one sexual experience end prematurely when either the girl was in too much pain to continue, or I couldn’t even fit inside at all to begin with – which is obviously a bummer for both of us. Additionally, if it’s too tight, it can lead to early ejaculation issues for the guy due to the increased friction.  On the other hand, I can’t even really think of any personal experiences where I’d consider the girl to have been “too loose”, or any time when I’ve even heard another guy actually complain about this. So unless its an extreme example, he’s probably not going to notice.

All of that in mind, if you’re not already doing Kegels, you should be! A girl with good control over her pelvic floor muscles feels AMAZING when we’re inside, no matter how tight or loose the entrance is.

2. What the hell are “Meat Curtains,” and what if I have them?

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Probably one of the first things that comes to mind when people think of vaginal aesthetics is the labia. They come in all different colors, shapes, & sizes. For obvious reasons, it’s also the most noticeable vaginal feature to guys as well. 

At some point you’ve probably also heard some guy make a remark about “beef curtains”, ”mud flaps”, “snatch traps”, or any one of the many crude terms used to refer a protruding labia. Typically, there’s a negative connotation in these remarks, which of course makes many women with longer labia feel self-conscious. Although a small portion of these women have labia so large it’s actually disruptive to their lives & causes physical discomfort, aesthetics is the primary reason most women seek Labiaplasty surgery these days. So how do you know if you fall into this category?

Again, sparing the full anatomy lesson, if your Labia Minora is longer than the Labia Majora, it’s going to hang out a bit, and it’s perfectly natural.    But here’s the thing, just because you have a protruding labia, doesn’t mean guys consider them “meat curtains”. In fact, something like 50% of women have Labia Minora longer than the Majora, and I can assure you guys don’t place them all in the “snatch trap” category. Typically when guys talk about this, they’re referring to extreme, specific scenarios of very large, brown-colored labia that unfortunately genuinely resemble (excuse the graphic description) ground beef.

Now if you do fall into this category, before you run off to the nearest plastic surgeon, please remember ladies, the shit guys say around other guys, and what we actually feel and believe, are two very different things. As I mentioned in my last article, perverted banter is just a game for us.  While I’m not going to lie, some guys are mildly turned off by excessively protruding labia, there are also tons of guys out there who prefer it.  Some men don’t like to have to “dig around” to get to the gold, others love the extra lips to play around with.  So although he probably will notice what you have going on in the labia department, 99% of the time, if he likes the rest of you, he’s not going to care. Like I said before, it all feels great once were inside.

3. I have a big clit, will he notice?

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Why is this even a question? Half the time, dudes have trouble even finding the clit, let alone notice its size. The only time I’ve heard a dude actually talk about this was when the girl’s clit was so big that it resembled more of a small penis. But even in that case, the girl was hot, & he was getting laid, so it was more of a passing observation than something he actually cared about. In fact, there’s a pretty big fetish category for big clits.

4. What about the smell/taste.

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Now this is a legitimate concern, as there’s no denying a pungent, foul odor would obviously be a huge turn off to a guy. However, for most women, this is probably not something you should worry about too much. Every guy with any sexual experience worth noting expects there to be some distinct smell down there, even a slightly strong one. But, if your vagina is healthy, chances are it smells just fine, and the scent can actually be a huge turn on for a lot of men. In fact, if it smells too good, some ignorant guys may even suspect that you’re trying to cover something up. Ever hear the old adage, “If it smells like fish, it’s delish, if it smells like cologne, leave it alone”? Yea, well as factually false as it may be, there are dudes who do believe that. For the most part, if you’re genuinely hygienic person and don’t have an active infection, you probably have nothing to worry about. If you do start catching gag-worthy whiffs, it may be a sign something is wrong, such as a UTI or Yeast Infection. 

Coming from a guy who loves going down on women, I have very rarely come across any with an off-putting scent/taste in that department. Most vaginas smell and taste about the same – slightly metallic, sometimes a bit sweet, & pretty awesome all around. Many have no noticeable smell at all.  As a general rule of thumb, if the guy is willing to go down on you, and doesn’t immediately retreat, it probably smells & tastes just fine.

5. Can I be too wet? Not Wet Enough?

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I don’t think there is really such a thing as “too wet,” from an enjoyment standpoint – for most, the wetter the better – but with that in mind, no guy appreciates having his mattress ruined with a surprise flash flood. If you’re sometimes a squirter, or tend to get extremely “leaky,” it’s generally common courtesy to warn him to put down a towel first and maybe remove his comforter from the bed during the deed. Beyond that the excess wetness will feel great to him.     

As far as not being wet enough, it can be a problem logistically, but not something the guy will likely dwell on. He’ll be more interested in figuring out how to make it work, & get you more turned on, than judging you for any anatomical deficiencies. Also, don’t be ashamed to ask to use lube – if anything – it can make the guy feel like he’s hung like a stud.

6. What about pubes?

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Although you probably have spent many hours of your life meticulously manicuring your pubic hair to conform to carefully considered specifications, if you’re worried at all about what guys think about it, you’re likely already too concerned. Frankly, no guy is going to care if you haven’t shaved in a few weeks and there’s some light growth down there. As far as we’re concerned, if there’s stubble, the worst that happens is a little friction burn. From my perspective as a “cunnilingus lover,” I prefer 100% shaved, primarily for practical reasons. I like to be able to fully see what I’m working with, and since your face is literally buried in the bushes when going down on a girl, having your teeth brushed with long pubic hair can really ruin the moment. On the other hand, many older guys prefer the more natural look with a full bush. If you’re really concerned about the guy’s opinion, and plan to sleep with him more than once, there’s no harm in asking him about his preferences.

So as you can see, at the end of the day, we look at vaginas much the same way girls look at dicks. We all have our preferences, but as long as we like you, it doesn’t really matter. The main thing to remember in all of this is, no guy expects you to have a perfect “porn star” pussy. Even though we may make jokes to our guy friends about vaginas in general, we’re mostly just happy to get to see one in the first place.

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