9 Facts About Your Male Facebook Friend Who Supports Bernie Sanders

Bernie Sanders supporters are a vocal bunch — so vocal, in fact, that Sanders actually beat the odds and won the Democratic New Hampshire primary last night.

But did you ever notice that the guys on your Facebook page who loudly stump for Sanders are all the exact same type of alt bro? They’re the kind of guys you hook up with when you’re just out of college because you think they’re really deep — but then you realize they’re just like any other dude. Put simply, Bernie Sanders’ biggest Facebook fans are all suffering from special snowflake syndrome.

We’re not saying Bernie is a bad candidate or anything. He’s definitely way more chill than the guys who obsess over him on Facebook.

Here are some basic facts we’ve gathered about every Bernie Sanders stan. Anecdotally.

1. He’s an environmentalist — and he thinks that makes him unique.

The Bernie Facebook Fan [BFF] literally thinks he’s the only person in the world who knows the truth about global warming. If you two were dating and you introduced him to your parents, he’d angrily recite statistics on climate change for at least 10 minutes even though no one disagreed.

2. If he sees an acoustic guitar lying around at a party, he’ll pick it up and start playing “Wonderwall.”

Every damn time, no wonder what the vibe is, the BFF will bring everyone down in an effort to show off his “talent.”

3. He’s vegan but he wears leather.

If you ask him about it, he’ll swear it’s vintage. Vintage… but the tag says Zara. Okay, BFF.

4. He’ll say he’s a feminist to get out of doing stuff for girls.

You want him to hold the door for you? You want him to pay for your dinner?! Um, no. That’s just your internalized misogyny talking.

5. He’ll argue that we don’t need Black History month, “just to play devil’s advocate.”

He’s one of those guys who loves to say controversial stuff at parties. Not because he believes it, but because he likes to “play devil’s advocate,” a.k.a. spur pointless debates by saying ridiculous stuff.

6. He is an expert in every single creative field.

The Bernie Fan is the kind of guy who, when you meet him at a bar and tell him your job, will tell you he actually does it too, then make the convo all about him. Sample conversation:

Bernie Fan: What do you do?

Me: I’m a writer.

Bernie Fan: I’m a writer too, just not published. Mostly I do short fiction with a mix of experimental stuff, it’s got a lot of poetic influence too and is really autobiographical, but I haven’t ever tried to get it published because it’s just way too raw and kind of ahead of its time in a way…

Me: *dies*

7. He’s in a band, and the band is called the [His Name] Band.

Nothing more creative than that.

8. He thinks the only reason he’s not running the world is because he’s misunderstood.

Any time you mention a successful person to the BFF, he’ll make an excuse for that person’s success. “Well, he was born rich.” Or “Well, maybe if I had the same parents as him, I would’ve gotten into Harvard too.” The BFF thinks that life isn’t fair and he deserves better — but weirdly, he doesn’t take any actual action to improve his life beyond playing the same four or five tiny local music venues with his shitty anticapitalist folk band.

9. He’s white.

Funny how that works.

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