What Guys Really Think About You Being Friends With Your Ex
Can you really trust someone who’s friends with their ex?
Some studies say that anyone who’s friends with their ex is a psychopath, and any relationship expert will tell you it’s a bad idea, but what do dudes think?
Like, if you meet a new boo and you’re still kinda friends with your ex, will he automatically assume he can’t trust you? Or will he think that it’s a sign of maturity that you’re not pulling a T-Swift and burning your ex’s picture and blocking him on Facebook?
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Reddit user sftkp had this question, as she was about to introduce her new man to her group of friends–but her ex was one of the guys in the friend group. So she asked the dudes of Reddit, naturally. Their responses were mostly one-sided.
“I would not date you,” said Reddit user ArcherXIII. “I am being completely honest. Dating someone who is friends with an ex, especially if that ex is from a [long term relationship] is bad business. Feelings don’t really go away and I would be very conscious of him and my mind would be in overdrive if you two ever hung out.”
Ouch. Too harsh? The only plus side is he admits that part of his issue with the situation is his own insecurity, rather than saying some “can’t trust thots” type ish.
Unfortunately, lots of dudes on the Reddit thread felt this way.
“I’d walk,” said D_Oberman. “Plenty of other fish in the sea.”
While some dudes were adamant that they’d never date a girl who was friends with an ex, other guys qualified their answers by saying it depends just how friendly a girl is with her ex.
“There’s a difference between ended things amicably, are friendly, and see each other once in a while usually in group settings vs. we are total besties and communicate all the time and often see each other one-on-one,” says Reddit user GWJ_DanyBoy. “The first [situation]… can be a sign of maturity that you are able to manage the dissolution of your previous relationship so well. The second is a complete deal-breaker. Someone is going to get hurt in that situation, it’s just a matter of time.”
And he’s kind of right. In fact, I’d argue that being BFF’s with your ex is just as bad as claiming to hate your ex. Either way, it shows that you care too much. And if you really care about maintaining a friendship with your ex over your new bae, you need to reevaluate your priorities.
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Reddit user Inspire said, “Exes are exes for a reason. I can understand keeping in touch over social media once in a while or being friendly with each other in a group where there’s mutual friends. However, having intimate conversations or one on one hangouts with the ex would be an immediate deal-breaker.”
But one lone Reddit user had a different perspective. It could be because he’d never been burned by an ex like many others seemed to have been, or maybe he’s just more confident.
“Assuming a breakup over incompatibility or something else fairly benign (no abuse, probably no infidelity, etc), I expect people to be civil to their exes,” said Reddit user 0xdeadf001. “Being friends with an ex is even better. I don’t understand this attitude that so many people have, that your ex is automatically your enemy. Or similarly that an ex is a competitor to a new bf/gf. They’re an ex for a reason, right? I would be fine with dating you, in this situation. Probably because I’m not an insecure 17 year old who has an ownership model of girlfriends.”
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Okay, he low-key just owned every other Reddit user. But then again, after dude has a different relationship history and different expectations. At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself, would you be cool dating a dude who was friends with his ex? If the answer is no, then you can’t hold yourself to different standards.