How to find a new BF on dating apps — according to dudes

Trying out online dating sites like Tinder or OkCupid for the first time can feel like your sailing in uncharted waters. Nobody truly knows what to expect out of a date, plus you don’t want your account to be like a giant neon sign saying “CREEPY GUYS WANTED HERE.”  So the always astute men of Reddit decided to give their two cents on some online dating tips.

Disclaimer: we’re not saying you should totally change your dating habits based on what these randos say. This is meant more to be helpful insight into what some dudes think. Keep doing you no matter what.

Read more: The Truth About Online Dating

Tip #1: Pictures, Pictures, Pictures.

Men are simplistic folk. They are all about the visuals and waste no time trying find your full body pics (sad IK but true).  So post your best photos and favorite selfies and watch all the fine men slide into your DMs.

BUT according to one Reddit bro, “If your first pic is a group photo, your second pic should really make it clear exactly what you look like. If I can’t tell by photo #2 which one you are, I’m … swiping left.”


Try not to put group photos in your dating profile. It makes it confusing for the dimwitted men to decipher which one is you and which one is your friend.

Try to find pictures without any male counterparts according to user 38andstillgoing, who says, “Also, men who aren’t obviously your father… And really not even then.” Pics with other dudes will make the guy assume you have a boyfriend.

I know you probably have pics of you and your cousin’s new baby that you want to share with the world too, but maybe leave the family pics on Facebook. User Subverto_ says “Don’t post pictures of you with other people’s babies/kids. I don’t understand why this is so common. No guy wants to see you holding a baby.”

Harsh but probably true — and how would that baby feel if it knew it was on your dating app profile? Kinda weird, boo boo.

Tip #2: Go after what you want

Why sit around and wait for your perfect man to fall into your lap if you already got one in mind? Seeing a cutie on the interwebz is normal, but typically men take the initiative to talk to a girl they are feeling, not the other way around. Well today that stops here.

Reddit user Watsyurdeal says that if you want to date him,” Send me a message, a girl who initiates with me gets more respect, and it’s easier for me to gauge and work around cause I’m not trying to figure out what I should say.”

Guys who talk about whether or not they respect certain people are trash — we should all respect everyone — but I guess this means if you’re nervous about making the first move, don’t worry. Guys won’t think you’re too forward. If you’re anti-first-move and want the dude to take initiative, that’s totally fine, too.

User RampagingKoala believes that women should “Initiate the pm/dm first. The people who you want to initiate are probably going to get initiated on by someone who doesn’t have the “sit back and wait” mentality. So if you don’t go after what you want, don’t be surprised when only niceguys and neckbeards are hitting you up.”

Again, we have to disagree on this one — some girls just don’t want to DM first and that’s fine. But if you’re okay with messaging first, don’t let insecurity or a lack of confidence get in your way.

Tip #3: Have a interesting bio

Instead of just putting cute emojis and basic tidbits like “I love going to the movies,” try putting something more eye-catching and funny. You are putting the best version of yourself out on the internet, so dont spent your 500 character limit on vague, universal anecdotes of yourself.

“Write your bio like there aren’t any pics to go on,” says Reddit user Just_a-prank_bro. Wow, actually super helpful advice!

We support healthy habits.

A post shared by Tinder (@tinder) on

User HeadTorch basically agrees with me:

“When I were dating online there were so many profiles that were basically identical, featuring the following things : I like going out and staying in! My friends and family are important to me! Wine! I love to laugh! For me personally the profiles that stood out were the ones with a sense of humour- I remember my now wife’s profile mentioning daft things she’d encountered whilst teaching.”

JaronK wants to also add in that it is better to lay all your wants out immediately in your bio:

“Put something real about yourself in your profile, something that would affect who’d want to date you, not just some emojis. Are you a neat freak? A professional go getter? Want to get married by 25? Want an open relationship? Put that out there so that you won’t match to people who aren’t compatible but those who want what you are will find you. And make a move when you see someone you like.”

Tip #4: Keep the convo flowing

I know I hate dry conversations. Guys who hit my messages with a K and a lol so wyd will get hit back with a block. Tell me about your passions, your likes and dislikes, your dreams and you will definitely be a second date contender.

Turns out the same thing applies to guys.

According to PM_Literally_Anything:

“When he asks you a question, don’t just answer it. If I ask you what you do for a living, don’t say ‘I’m an accountant’. Do something to move the conversation along. ‘I’m an accountant. I work at ABC Corp. doing audit work. I really like it, except tax season seriously sucks. What do you do?’ It both gives us something to follow up with other than ‘Oh, cool, how do you like it?’, or at least getting a question in return from you gives us something to go on for our response.”

Glittalogik can relate to what I’m preaching:

“Whether or not you initiated, please please please make some kind of effort to keep the conversation moving. Answer questions with something more than “yes/know/idk lol”, ask a few yourself, share a story or a joke or a passion or an interest. You know, like you do in real life when you’re having a conversation with someone you want to get to know. Alternatively, if you’re not interested in getting to know someone, cut to the chase and make your desires/goals crystal clear so no one’s wasting their time getting stalled on small talk.”

So there you have it. Just don’t take any of this advice as gospel, please. This is just meant to be a helpful insight into what some guys might think. Go forth and swipe!

Read more: More Guys Lie In Their Dating Profiles Than Girls

Gimme More Dating

Do You Like?

Some things are only found on Facebook. Don't miss out.