Guys Get Real About Snooping in Your Phone
Girls are always stereotyped as the “crazy” ones who go through their boyfriends’ phone, laptop, FitBit, whatever. But, in reality, guys do it as just often.
Personally, I’ve never gone through a guy’s phone, but I’ve had at least three go through mine.
Going through someone’s phone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re crazy, it means you don’t trust your partner and your relationship is probably not great. Yes, in a perfect world you would just talk it out with your partner and if you didn’t come to a conclusion, dump them, but unfortunately people don’t do that as often as we’d like and we take the easy and/or sneaky way out.
But just like girls go through their boo’s phone and find crazy shit, guys do it too.
Guys confessed their snooping moments in a Reddit thread and it just proves that being suspicious is not a female trait, it’s just a trait of someone who’s probs getting lied to and in denial.
Naturally, lots of guys flocked to the thread to tell tales about how they snooped and found out their boo was cheating.
“[I] snooped on a now ex and found her talking to a new guy,” said Reddit user cnik70. “Tossed her shit out of our apartment.”
This sucks, obviously, but it’s also a little funny because if it was vice versa some dude would be calling the girl who snooped and threw her bae’s shit out “crazy.”
“Her account was left on, I looked at her messages, she had been flirting and exchanging sexual messages with a guy, even so far as to exchange ‘I love you’s,'” said Reddit user GirliestTomboy. “I don’t regret it, we broke up a couple years later.”
Confused why they didn’t break up immediately after he found her saying “I love you” to another guy? It might be because when you snoop, you don’t always know how to bring it up to your partner. So, instead, you’re in this awk standstill where they don’t know that you know and you just have an even shittier relationship than usual. Sounds fun!
“My ex out of nowhere went from constantly messaging and talking to me to replying with short or one word replies like once or twice a day if I was lucky,” said Reddit user Heavykiller.”Whenever we’d hang it would be on her terms, never mutual, and when we were together she seemed to always be glued to her phone.
“Basically it wasn’t adding up that she used her phone an insane amount for social media and stuff, but could never seem to talk to me,” he said. “Like others have said here, found out she was cheating.”
See, if you could tell something was wrong with the relationship, why didn’t you just ask her? Or just dump her completely? What’s the point of being lame enough to snoop?
But sometimes, the snooper learns.
“A girl I was dating left her MySpace [lol, what year is it] open to the messenger,” said Reddit user alnicoblue. He continued:
I gave in and read her most recent message to find out that she was talking pretty intimately to another guy and putting me down to him. Yes, [I regret snooping]. It’s a violation of her privacy and in enough time she’d have broken up me with me naturally instead of feeling forced to stick around after confronting her.
I think she tried to make it work out of guilt but then I turned into a douche and did equally bad things to her. After the months of heartache I dealt with over this I came to my current conclusion that both parties need privacy in a relationship. Her flirting or bitching to another guy was shitty but the way I found out put me in the wrong and just served to complicate things. I’d rather live ignorant but with a clear conscience.
Wow, this is such a mature conclusion! Yes, snooping sucks and sometimes you find things you don’t want to see, but even if you don’t find out your boo is cheating, there’s a good chance you’ll totally ruin whatever semblance of a relationship you did have.
Unfortunately, it’s easy to feel like everyone else is snooping and/or cheating, so you feel like you have to. Sometimes it takes doing it once to learn why you need to stop being such a psycho.
“I never used to snoop,” said Reddit user justanotherlurker33. “I snooped a few times after being burned by some pretty women. I never really liked snooping though. The few times I did snoop though, I was happy I did because I found out she really didn’t like me at all and just liked making me look like a fool. The other time I snooped, I found nothing, and it really made me not want to snoop anymore.”
Or, the snooper finds something that isn’t necessarily just a hoe that ain’t loyal, but deeper.
“My long distance girlfriend invited me up to see her and for the day I arrived all was lovely,” said Reddit user Kiddley. He went on:
But once I woke up the next morning, all affection had gone from her, and she kept denying there was nothing on her mind.
I sat around for about a full day and noticed she kept hiding her phone from me/texting someone, and when she went to the bathroom I checked the latest message because the whole demeanour between us has suddenly become awkward (in a two-year relationship I thought something must be up).
She had been texting her mum, saying that she had just realized she didn’t love me anymore and she had had a ‘poorly timed epiphany.’
I was distraught, but in the end I had to be the one to end the relationship within the next couple of days because she wasn’t confident enough to do it.
Looking back on it I don’t regret it because it got me out when I needed to, but the moment when I knew something about her and she didn’t know that I knew, was truly awful.
It took me about another full day to actually bring up the conversation and throughout it all I was gobsmacked/unable to think about anything else. It was one of the worst feelings I’ve had in my life.
If you are considering it, I do not recommend it for that feeling alone. It’s awful because you know its your fault for finding out.
Yikes. But he’s not really alone. Even though this dude legit snooped in the weirdest thing ever.
“I just stopped seeing this girl a few weeks ago I was dating for two months,” said Reddit user bobbagadoosh. “About a week prior to her ending things, I had noticed a journal by her bed and I read it while she wasn’t in the room. There was just pages and pages of her talking about her ex trying to get over him. One little line about me saying she found someone who cares about her and treats her better than he ever did.”
He didn’t regret it, saying:
It felt like a movie honestly. I’m so fucking glad I read it. A week later she ended things with me saying she wasn’t ready to take on a new relationship. To say the last few weeks have been fucking awful is an understatement, but it makes feel a lot better knowing she was still grieving and I probably couldn’t have done much to steer what we had into something more than a ‘casual relationship.’
Other guys swear they’ll never snoop, which is honestly smart.
“I never did or never will,” said Reddit user FaenK. “Even if I am together with someone they have the right to not involve me in everything and get some space. Also I don’t think any good will come of it. At best it will bite back in my ass. If I am in a relationship I am trust mode, and I don’t just get serious with a lot of people like that. So no damned snooping!”
Amen. If you can’t trust someone, don’t date them!
“I did once,” said Reddit user Hjemmelsen. “Didn’t find anything at all. Still, I knew the relationship was doomed at that point. Snooping was really just a check to see if we should end it quickly now, or if it was going to be a drawn out thing. I don’t know if that’s how everyone feels, but to me, I was just trying to find an easy way out I think.”
That’s fair… I guess. But like, if you wanted a quick end why didn’t you just do it instead of trying to incriminate your boo?
“Y’know I never snoop,” said Reddit user superanth. “It’s the same reason why you don’t want to know what people are saying when they gossip about you behind your back: the worst case scenario is that you’ll have your feelings hurt and become paranoid, at best you’ll feel guilty later for invading their privacy.”
Or, you have king of all psychos right here.
“I always have and always will,” said_exitus_acta_probat_. “My father taught me to trust-but-verify. No regrets.”
Have fun with that.