Guys admit “it’s not you, it’s me” can literally mean anything
A zillion years ago, I’m sure someone found solace in the breakup excuse, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
“Ah,” the person being dumped would think to themselves, “at least I know I’m doing anything wrong and he just has his own issues.”
Unfortunately, nowadays anyone who hears that excuse from a soon to be ex-lover today will probably be skeptical. And rightfully so. After all, WTF does “it’s not you, it’s me,” even mean? On top of that, what guy is really self-aware enough to know he has to dump a girl because he’s not good enough for her? Sounds sus.
At this point, guilty dumpers using this phrase have completely killed it into a cliche.
A cliche that, according to guys on Reddit, can literally mean anything.
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One Reddit user asked the men of Reddit, “Men who used the ‘it is not you, it is me’ line and you actually meant it, why was it you?”
Their answers? Literally anywhere from “I was cheating on her” to “I knew she was too good for me.”
Hmm…confusing! Let’s delve a little deeper.
Some of the dudes said they used the cliche because they did have their own issues.
“Not those words exactly, but for the times I’ve essentially said that – I was still damaged/hurt over stuff in the past and not ready to take the step into a relationship,” said Reddit user that_guys_posse. “I knew I’d hurt them worse down the line and I liked them enough to not put them through that. I was going through a bad time and they were better off without me.”
Being hurt over a previous relationship is totally fair game.
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“She was cute, super smart, funny, sweet — absolutely nothing wrong with her,” said Reddit user bjankles.“I had broken up with another girl a few months prior and realized too late I wasn’t ready for another relationship. I think I was too emotionally drained from the last one to be available to someone new.”
But most of the dudes who responded to this thread used this phrase as an easy way out for something that they didn’t feel like explaining – like the fact that they knew they were shit heads.
“I’m a wicked narcissist and she was a good person,” said Reddit user RicFlairIsGawd. “No way in Hell that was going to work.”
Or, that their reason for ending things was something kind of mean – that the average person would not want to say to someone’s face.
“I was the one not attracted to her, so it was my perception of what attraction was,” said Reddit user kittenlover27. “I couldn’t change that, so it was me.”
Possibly a stretch, but we also understand why you wouldn’t want to be straight up.
“She was an absolute blast to hang out with and beautiful to boot, but there was zero chemistry sexually,’ said Reddit user No1GivesAFuck.
Breaking up is hard, and giving an honest answer is harder, so instead of saying “I’m a Sagittarius and she was a bitch,” Reddit user gobigred3562 defaulted to, “it’s not you, it’s me.”
Reddit user JackPAnderson also relied on the trite phrase because he “was leaving her for someone else.”
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Ultimately, you can’t ever really know what a guy (or a girl) means when they’re saying, “it’s not you, it’s me.” It’s been used so often that it no longer has meaning, and sometimes the person saying it doesn’t even know WTF they mean.
“I’ve used it, not the exact words, but [the] sentiment, and I definitely meant it,” said Reddit user illini02. “She was someone who on paper was everything I was interested in. I definitely enjoyed spending time with her. But there wasn’t that ‘spark’ there that made continuing in a relationship a logical step. I knew long term it wouldn’t progress, but it was something I really couldn’t describe. She did nothing wrong though.”
Basically, if a guy uses this excuse when saying buh-bye, don’t blame yourself. Even if he’s stretching the meaning completely and is leaving you for another person, it still means you didn’t do shit wrong and he was an asshole/immature/emotionally unstable/etc.
Don’t dwell on it. And don’t try to figure out what exactly he meant by defaulting to that cliche. He wasn’t worth your time and at least had the decency to tell you to GTFO before he really hurt you!