Guide To The Perfect Prom Date
You have your gown, shoes and a fancy car with a driver, but the only thing you’re missing is a date. Yes, picking a prom date can be a pain in the ass and totally frustrating because this is a night you will remember for the rest of your life. Your mom is telling you to take some lame guy from church (of course) and you definitely don’t want to be like the girl in chem lab who’s bringing her cousin (ummmm loserville! Here at Galore, if we don’t know anything else, we know boys. So, here is our guide on your perspective date options for this year’s prom.
The jock is usually cute, with a great body and maybe even a few tattoos. He usually walks the halls with his cronies that consist of other jocks. They’re usually the loudest in the cafeteria, laughing or teasing someone who’s not apart of their crew. His style is laid back and includes Abercrombie sweats or Adidas flip flops.
The sad thing about the jock is that unless you are a cheerleader or a complete whore, he has no interest in accompanying you to the prom. The jock is never smart. Think Ryan Lochte or Mike Tyson. Catch my drift?
The future of the jock is usually limited. Unless he goes to the NFL or NBA, he will probably end up being the gym teacher of the school you claimed that you would never go back to after graduation. Expect him to be fat and bald at your 10 year high school reunion.
The preppy boy is a bit of a win, when it comes to prom dates. His dad owns some kind of company and after he graduates from college (an ivy league school to be exact) he will then work for his dad’s company.
The prepster is a bit snobby, dresses well in his Banana Republic, Ralph Lauren Polo and L.L. Bean and drives probably a Volvo or Audi. He’s intense because there’s so much pressure on him, to do well in everything, which means he’s on adderall and willing to share some with you. Oh did I mention he has a $300 a week cocaine habit? Unlike the jock, he’s usually not into cheerleaders, but more of the preppy chicks who wear Lilly Pulitzer and play sports like cricket or tennis.
Preppy boy has a future, but it’s probably in Wall Street or even a huge ponzi scheme. Either way there’s a 60% percent chance he will kill himself because of debt or end up jail.
The Stoner/Bad Boy
Don’t be a fool girl! The stoner isn’t going to prom. He’s too cool for that (or has been banned by the principle). The stoner usually lives in a trailer park, drives a motorcycle, and you never see him in school, but you do see him in the parking lot after school, under the bleachers during gym or hopping the fence and walking the opposite direction of school while everyone else is hustling to homeroom.
He wears the same dark denims everyday and usually has on a Bob Marley shirt or a plain white Hanes tee. His tattoos are sexy and the fact that everytime he speaks to you he offers you a joint or beer is kind of a bad, but in a good way. Rumor is his dad is in jail for murder, which weirdly turns you on even more.
If you ask the stoner/bad boy to the prom, he’s likely to laugh at you (while blowing out smoke) and saying something like “I’ll pick you up from prom and we’ll go somewhere”. The mysterious way he says “somewhere” has you intrigued and you say “YES!”
The future of the bad boy is grey. He doesn’t go to class which means he probably won’t graduate and end up working at a local gas station fixing cars. All his pennies on pay day will go to a six pack of Coors lite and a bag of weed.
The class clown is the funny guy who sits behind you in math class and makes it impossible to figure out those damn polynomial. He has a cool nickname like “Rooster” or “Buck” and always making faces behind the teachers back.
The class clown is supposed to be on adderall, but refuses to take it because he doesn’t like the calming effect it gives him. He can be categorized with any group of guys because everyone likes him for being so funny.
The class clown is an amazing choice for a prom date. He will have you giggling non stop all night and your parents will love him even though he tried pulling off your dad’s toupee.
Just expect a memorable prom picture with him wearing goofy oversize glasses or mooning the camera.
The nerd is a sleeper. He hangs with the foreign exchange student who barely speaks english, never is seen at a pep rally and at lunch he eats in the library. You don’t even know he exist until he has to help you after school with your biology project.
He’s the less fashionable guy, who cares more about computer games or Pokemon then designer duds. His dream is to move to the Silicon Valley after he attends an ivy league college on a full scholarship.
The nerds could be in the band, a member of the chess club or running for class president.
He may not have it all together now, or even good looks, but in the future the nerd will most likely have more money than God. Think Mark Zuckerberg, Shawn Fanning or Steve Jobs.
Your parents will be so impressed that you are taking such an astute boy to the prom. Btw, you may have to help him pick out a suit to wear because fashion isn’t his thing.
The rocker guy is dark and totally hot. He’s the guitarist in a band called “Yellow Snot” and they play at cool venues like…….the bowling alley and local skating rink. Him and his friends practice in their parents garage everyday and he has a signed pick from Billie Armstrong.
The rocker has many of the same attributes as ‘the stoner’ but is musically inclined. He smokes lots of weed, skips class to rehearse and rides a motorcycle.
The rocker is a great date because his band is performing at the prom and he will dedicate the last song (which he wrote) to you.
His future doesn’t include college, but it does include moving to Seattle or New York, so his band can make it big. Think Travis Barker or Lenny Kravitz.
The artsy guy is sensitive. He writes poetry, burns incenses, wears his own handmade jewelry and he always quotes Rumi. This kid is deeper than most high school boys. He stares long into your eyes, like he’s lost in them and when he kisses you he first kisses your forehead, then the tip of your nose, then goes for your lips. These guys usually are vegans, wear hemp and their hero is John Lennon.
Expect this bohemian guy to arrive on a bike (pedal, not motor) wearing a tie-dyed shirt, linen pants and barefoot. Instead of a corsage he will give you an anklet he made out of nails.
His future is bright. He’ll travel the world with just a backpack and sketchbook for the sake of finding himself or becoming one with the sun, whichever comes first.
Your gay best friend is a great choice as a prom date. No pressure to have sex, he will be excited to go dress shopping with you and he can dance his ass off.
He’s there to listen to you when you’re crying about some stupid boy who broke your heart and those days when you feel not so pretty he always tells you how skinny you look.
The gay guy is usually fit, dresses well and treats you like a lady. It’s better than going stag and more fun than going with a boy who might be groping you all night. Perk: your prom photo will be amazing, especially the one when you’re both giving major duck lips.
The future of the gay guy will include you being the godmother to all his children and him being the only male at your bachelorette party.